You Need to Move On

I was recently told that I need to move on from my husband’s death. As I heard that statement, I thought to myself, what a bold thing to say, especially coming from someone who has never experienced losing the love of their life. Grief is unique to everyone, and NO ONE can tell you how to grieve and what to do. Losing a brother, a son, or even a friend is different than losing your soulmate and the love of your life. Death is different for everyone, and the relationships are different. I am not saying that one loss is greater than the other; they are just different.

I have experienced people trying to minimize my grief because my husband and I were together for almost four years. They think it should be easy for me to move on from this since we weren't together for many years. Well to those people are wrong. Some bonds are more deep-rooted than years. 

I have recently experienced people having strong opinions about how I should live my life and what to do after my husband passed away. It’s not their choice to make on how I move forward as a widow. What I have learned and continue to learn is that I need to be kind to myself, and take care of myself. I need to move forward with my grief at my own pace and on my own route. People will always have an opinion on how things should be. When this happens, I have to remember that their world didn’t stop, but mine and my daughter’s did. So the next time someone tells you to move on from your grief, remember to be kind to yourself, take the time YOU need, and take the route that best suits you.

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  • Mari Posa
    commented 2019-09-01 22:38:37 -0700
    Thank you Vartan and Kim for your comments.

    Vartan you are absolutely right. The way you described what the gentleman in the movie said about a soulmate, is true. That’s exactly how I feel. I personally can’t and don’t want to see myself with anyone else but my husband. Until I see him again. And I’m sorry that a family member said that dementia comment to you. You do you and take the time you need. No one is traveling in your shoes, but you.
  • Vartan Agnerian
    commented 2019-09-01 19:04:32 -0700
    Dearest Mari’ In a recent movie’ an older gentleman was trying to explain how one knows they’re in true love’ saying that when you realise you are getting connected with the other person at soul level’ and once your souls get intertwined’ and you simply can not see continuing your life path just by yourself as before’ apart from your special person ’ and you miss their presence immensely … So 4 years or 40 years ’ having been blessed to have met that special person of our lives with such soul bonding and such deep love ’ and then to lose them and become a widow ’ and be forced to face the rest of our days alone’ without them’ is indeed heart and soul’ mind and body knock out’ blackout ’ a very scary reality’ as one widow so accurately wrote’ we are left " crumbled into nothingness" …
    As to all those people who oh so casually comment’ it’s that they can’t relate to the shattered widow experience’ can’t comprehend the enormous life changes a widow is burdened with after the death of her husband’ as this recent comment from a relative to me’ a ten month widow’ – " You know’ now you have to start to think of yourself and your future’ you can’t go on grieving’ I’ve read that’ prolonged grief causes dementia " -

    Only by faith’ hope’ and God’s grace go I’

  • Kim Kosina
    commented 2019-08-24 14:22:33 -0700
    There is only those who dont understand yet, and those that do…Unfortunately we belong to the later. Just do you.
  • Mari Posa
    commented 2019-08-24 08:05:45 -0700
    Thank you for your comments.

    Don you made me laugh with your comment. Unfortunately, that is the reality of things. Some people aren’t aware of how much a comment like that hurt us. But the reality of it is, that everyone dies and one day they will be in these tough shoes. Death is inevitable.
  • Teresa W
    commented 2019-08-24 06:34:30 -0700
    I’m really sorry someone said that to you.
  • Don Yacona
    commented 2019-08-23 10:56:35 -0700
    Thats a hot button for me, usually made by those who have not walked this path and will compare it to losing their 85yo aunt. We should be legally be allowed to throat punch anyone who makes that suggestion.