Im Widow Tired.
Tired of being widowed.
Tired of milestone dates, grief triggers, and sleepless nights.
Tired of the simplest things that used to be easy, taking me forever to accomplish.
Tired of fearing the future, honoring the past, being in the moment.
I want to be in the moment.
Its just tiring to have to remind myself all the time,
to stop projecting.
Camp Widow just ended.
It once again fell on the death anniversary date of my dear husband.
I spent the entire day being very busy with running workshops, doing improv, and working with the kids at the Kids Camp.
It was awesome.
It was healing.
It was exhausting, in a way thats hard to describe.
I wish these kids didnt lose their mom or dad to death.
I wish I didnt lose my husband to death.
I wish Don could live a lot more years, and have much more life.
I wish .....
But those arent things
that will happen,
healing is required,
and living and working and facing hardships
and Im really tired.
I hope that one day,
in the near or far away future,
I will return to some version of
the energy I once had.
Being tired all of the time,
emotionally, physically, spiritually,
Living with death is exhausting.