What Remains, In This After of You

A trifold flag, presented to me at your memorial service.

Where are you, my beloved?

ID tags that hang over my bed or around my neck.

Where are you, my beloved?

3 children you raised with me, though they weren’t of your blood.

Where are you, my beloved?

A grandson who would tower over you in height, and who reminds me of you each time I see a picture of him.

Where are you, my beloved?

A son who lives your example of a life of service.

Where are you, my beloved?

Another son who loves science and philosophy, who holds your strong belief in family.

Where are you, my beloved?

A daughter who gently and quietly offers Love to those around her.

Where are you, my beloved?

The thoughts I have, the words I use to explain them, remembered from you.

Where are you, my beloved?

The simple tasks of daily life…putting gas in my car, walking for exercise, paying bills.

Where are you, my beloved?

The open road in front of my car, looking West, steering me into this new life.

Where are you, my beloved?

Words that tumble from my lips, as I speak with our kids…words that you once spoke to them.

Where are you, my beloved?

Words spoken to me from friends, spoken by you to them, about me and your deep Love for me.

Where are you, my beloved?

You are the whisper in the halls of memory for me, for so many of us.

You are my heart and my soul and my pulse beat, every moment of every day and all through the nights,

The days and nights that are in the thousands now, since we last touched.

You are my beloved.

You are in me and of me,

You are my passion and my pain,

My Love and my beloved.

Your Love for me echoes through these halls of memory,

Burns and singes and sears and sighs and yearns and wishes.

Fuels all that I am. All that I will ever be.

My beloved.


Showing 2 reactions

Please check your e-mail for a link to activate your account.
  • Eileen Lucas
    commented 2018-08-29 16:47:26 -0700
    Oh my, this is a fear I had; do the pain and sorrow ever leave or is it with us forever? I think my question has already been answered many times. Songs I have written about him and to him helps calm me. I listen to them over and over and last night I actually fell asleep listening to the recordings on my phone. I need to get them professionally recorded as this looks like it will be a long road. It scares me to no end. After 42 years of love and happiness, it was all taken away. If I hear, “everything happens for a reason one last time” I think I’ll roar like a lion at the person.
  • indie
    commented 2018-08-27 19:59:32 -0700
    I always connect to your posts more than all the others for various reasons which might be age, time that our beloved has been gone and intensity in the missing of how much a part they played in who we were. No matter what I have done in five plus years of reconstructing my life without my husband nothing actually has changed since the day he died. I am exhausted trying…….