The Secret Tears

truck3.jpgHere's to the tears we save for our dark bedrooms at night alone. The hours we spend a day remembering our old lives. 

Here's to the bravery it takes to fake a smile everyday. Long after everyone has forgot our stories we cannot forget. The scars are too deep. The wounds never heal. 

It becomes overwhelming at times to be that person that is surviving and continuing on with life. That superhero that everyone thinks you are. I had a very hard day today for reasons that aren't really clear to me. I just felt lost and alone. At times I feel as if I am living a fake life, a fake person. I fake the smiles and laughs and pretend to be ok. And sometimes I am ok. But sometimes I am just not. 

truck2.jpgSo today I went to the creek where Joey crashed his truck. I haven't been there in a long time. It's a place I would visit very often after the accident. A place I have never shared with anyone. On the one year anniversary I spent about two hours climbing and hiking to the actual spot where is truck sat on the other side of the creek. I placed a cross there and piled all the debris left over. I placed pictures of us and the kids on a tree. 

Today when I went I sat and looked across the creek at all that stuff and cried and yelled. As I walked away down the same path I always take I found a piece of his truck. A piece I had never seen before. And all I could do was smile. I was not alone today at that creek. He was with me and my secret tears. 

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  • Lisa Richardson
    commented 2017-02-07 22:32:11 -0800
    Until I read your post, I felt the world had judged me for wanting to go to the place where my Tony ended his life. I needed to go there, to try to find something of his that they left behind, or to feel him there with me somehow. Knowing you have done this too is so reassuring and will give me strength every time I feel the need to go back.