I've been aware for a few days or so that the anniversary march is starting up for me again. John's birthday, Surgery day, Illness day, Death day. A long 5 months.
This year, although actually a whole lot better at this point than the last two, there have been some bells ringing that I just couldn't put my finger on.
Until a bout of insomnia last night.
I've mentioned before Ian was very much interested in politics. One state here is in the middle of their state-level election campaign, which occurs every three years. I've been watching the campaign from a distance on our national news channel and I've mostly been pricking up my ears as one candidate's name is very similar to someone I worked with a number of years back, and I've been doing a double-take every time I hear it. But something else was simmering underneath.
It's a bit earlier in the calendar year this year (there's a degree of flexibility in when Australian elections are called), but this same state was going through their last election when Ian was unconscious in the ICU. Election day from memory was a week or two into our first stay of 6 weeks.
That election, the opposing party to Ian's views won the election. I can remember a discussion with nursing staff about having the TV on for Ian with familiar programs and so forth as although he was unconscious, you never know what might be getting through.
My response was a joking, but definite no in terms of election coverage - the result would have been enough for him to give up fighting entirely, he detested the winner that much! His mother was with me at the time visiting and whole-heartily agreed. Not sure how the ICU staff took that one, although we did get a few chuckles at it.
The result was still being analysed a week or so later when Ian was awake and beginning to gain an awareness around him and the degree of disability he faced from his stroke. But fairly quickly he understood enough to know what he was looking at on the TV screen with the frequency that the winning leader's face kept appearing. It was one of the more expressive facial reactions we had in the early days. If he had the ability to throw something at the TV, he probably would have.
As time progresses, we learn where our cyclical trigger points are, both the obvious and not so obvious. We're conscious of the passing of each 12 month period. But one thing I never considered was trigger cycles being longer than 12 months, in this case three years. It's a bit of a shock to the system.
I'm glad I have a councillors appointment tomorrow to debrief this one.