The Scariest Part of Surgery

This blog will be short because I had a lasik procedure this week and my eyes get tired quickly.

I’ve never been one to be comfortable with eye stuff. I hate eye drops and the thought of contact lenses makes me cringe but I was so fed up with glasses that I decided to go through with the surgery and get it over with. As the day got closer, I got more nervous. Afraid of the unknown and afraid things would go wrong and I’d lose my vision. I was scared.

I worked the first half of the day to keep my mind focused on something. Everyone kept telling me that I would be fine ad so many people had been through the procedure successfully. I knew all of that but there was something else bothering me that I just couldn’t figure out. That is until I got into the car with my friend who was driving me. She asked if I was ready as I reached to close the car door and I started to shake. I started to panic. I started to cry.

She said -  “It’ll be ok. You’ll be ok.”

I said – “But if I’m not ok than Clayton isn’t here to help me.”

There it was.  There was the root of my fear that I couldn’t unearth until that moment. Yes I was scared to have surgery but I was more scared to have to recover or handle complications without Clayton.  Widowhood is many expected things but it’s the unexpected ones that make our journey sometimes so terrifyingly unique.

I made it through surgery fine. The doctors say I went from 20/40 to 20/20 in 24 hours and it will continue to improve. Today was a tough day of blurry vision and soreness. I find it an odd coincidence that as I write these words I can not help but cry yet the tears are bringing my eyes relief and my vision is crystal clear…


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  • Beth Ensign
    commented 2019-06-13 06:16:12 -0700
    Yes, I get this! When I have to fill out forms now I balk at “emergency contact.” For who is there now? When for over 30 years my husband’s name went there. I have put off a colonoscopy for 2 years because you have to have someone accompany you, and I now have no one. These are the kinds of things that can send me into a tailspin.