The Changing of the Guards

I did it. Maybe I didn’t outwardly realize I was doing it but I did it. I ignored the rising flood.

For the past week I have made myself more and more busy. I have extended myself to help others beyond the norm. I have taken on more responsibility. It all seemed fine and balanced. Late to bed and early to rise with something pressing to think about from dusk to dawn.  I kept placing sandbags up against the rising waters and ignored any emotional leaks. Eh they’ll go away. Well I was right. The leaks went away because the wall broke at the changing of the guards.

I ran around all week holding in the building anxiety that Clayton’s first anniversary is less than three weeks away. I fooled myself, saying that it is the day that is sad and not the lead up. Well it’s the lead up.

My Friday night and I finally had nothing to do. No second job, no cleaning, easy dinner. I ate and put the dishes in the kitchen sink. I’d get to them later. Time to relax. As I sank into the couch my heart sank into my stomach. I wasn’t busy. There was no guard on duty. I had nothing to distract me and I was alone. The damn broke and so did I.

Showing 4 reactions

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  • Charles Mione
    commented 2019-04-23 14:04:43 -0700
    One year into widow hood yesterday, April 22 2019. A bad day for me. Thank God my sister-in-law and friend took me to lunch to get me out of the house.
  • Charles Mione
    followed this page 2019-04-23 14:01:11 -0700
  • Vartan Agnerian
    commented 2019-04-13 19:52:00 -0700
    Just few sentences yet such an intense description of a day in " Widowland "
    Six months into widowhood’ numerous times the damn has broken’ sandbags are useless’ the walls come down the tears flow’ then taper off for a while till the next flood’ and the grieving goes on’

  • Lisa Richardson
    commented 2019-03-30 23:41:57 -0700
    I’m in the “lead up” right now. It sucks. Sometimes it just helps to know all of you are with me at one time or another.