I’m coming up to 5 years.
We were 6 weeks shy of our 30th anniversary.
He was 55.
Cancer.
Things are ok. I have wonderful supportive kids who are now 28, 29, and 32. Expecting the first grandchild in January. I remember when my husband was sick, I said to my brother-in-law that everything from now on was going to have sadness attached to it. So, while I’m absolutely over the moon about the baby, I’m sad John won’t be here to be a grandpa (someone asked me what he would have been called, and it was like a kick in the stomach). Christmases are fine again, birthdays, etc, but the sadness is always there.

Other observations:
*I’d be a much happier widow if I was just a little more comfortable financially.
*Every Friday when I have to take out the garbage I still get pissed off that it’s now my job. Same with cutting the lawn.
*Couple oriented social obligations are still hard. Like weddings. And one time I had to get someone to zip up my dress when I got to the event, because I couldn’t do it myself at home (all the tears in the world won’t make a zipper zip itself up.
*Not having to cook dinner is still a nice novelty.
*Now that it’s been 5 years people seem very comfortable asking me about dating again and they just don’t get that I can’t be bothered.
*No, I don’t want a dog.
*The friends and family that stayed, are still here for me and those that didn’t are still not part of my life and frankly I don’t miss them.
*People still don’t mind helping out (like my brothers, with guy things), but I have to come right out and ask because they aren’t mind readers and they have their own lives.
*I’m happy we are in a time of text, and instant messages and social media, because it all just makes me feel more connected with people.
*I find I care less about what people think now. I appreciate the little things, and nature.
*My attention span isn’t what it used to be. Is that age or grief?
*Every morning when I wake up, it takes me a second to clue into my reality.
*i sleep with the TV on. John hated that.
*I’m not sure what to do with my rings yet, but I stopped wearing them a year and a half ago.
*I’ve had a couple of vivid and timely dreams about him that I never want to forget.
*no, I don’t want to spend his birthday with my in-laws, but I do. Nor my anniversary, which I don’t.
*i still wouldn’t change my life for anyone’s I know.

It’s getting easier, but it’s always going to suck. Thanks for asking.

I’m really sorry someone said that to you.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

When my husband was sick, and we knew he was terminal, I was chatting with his brother and I said that everything from now on is going to have some sadness attached to it. Christmases, thanksgivings, graduations, even grandchildren and the weddings of our children. All, no matter how happy the occasion will have the sadness of him not being there attached to it. And it doesn’t matter if those grandchildren don’t come for another 10 years, it’s still going to be sad that he didn’t get the chance to be grandpa, or to walk his daughter down the isle……

We also scare people because we’re their worst nightmare. Sometimes I want to say, “don’t worry, your husband won’t die too if you hang out with me”

❤️❤️❤️

We share our anniversary date. I had a much longer marriage than you, but my husband was only 55, so I still feel robbed. Sometimes I buy myself an anniversary present. It kind of gives me something to look forward to about the day. Last year I bought two beautiful maple trees for our yard, but I haven’t decided if or what I’ll get this year.

Really enjoy your letters to Drew each year!

Also from Ontario. Looking forward to reading about your journey.
And so true. Inspirational? Strong? Really? We had no choice, we’re just doing what we have to to get through the days.

I want to say that I 100 percent agree with you. There is absolutely no comparison to our losses and their divorces.
But as a relatively young widow, 54 at the time, those around me, who all still had their spouses, didn’t know what to do with me. I ended up meeting a newly divorced woman who became a wonderful supportive friend. We both had suffered losses and were grieving, but obviously differently. The important thing was that she never compared, never started a sentence with “at least you had”…. But we have a lot in common, fumbling our way around running households on our own, money issues, lonely Saturday nights, etc.
The big thing here is that she was respectful and didn’t compare, which is your point.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I save almost all your posts and re-read them all the time. I hope you know you put into words what a lot of us are feeling.

Enjoyed your talk. Great job!

my joyful thing: it’s my sister’s 50th birthday this weekend. Sometimes things have been a little strained with her, but I think after my husband dying, maybe her realizing life is short and family is special, she’s really come around. We had a lovely dinner out with a few other siblings. She was appreciative and emotional, and it was lovely.

Wow, a very wise woman indeed.

Are you going to show us a picture of what she made?

Seems weird to say welcome, so I won’t, but I look forward to reading about your journey here.

Yes, that urge to call them and tell them things. I guess it doesn’t go away.
Oh, and congratulations!

How do we explain that total feeling of loneliness when we in a room/house full of loved ones?

Know that you and the other writers help me every week!

Sadly I’ve been reading this blog for over a year, and I think this post has touched me the most of all so far.
Beautiful. Thank you so much!