Tis’ the season for all the things that remind us of what we have and what we have lost. This year, for me, there has been more loss and it’s much harder to shake that feeling as those around me put up lights, throw holiday parties and decorate. I can’t put up a Christmas tree. I can’t decorate. I wrapped one present and I just can’t. So I don’t and I tell myself that there is nothing wrong with skipping the traditions this year. With everything added up, I’ve earned a hall pass to the holiday blizzard we all experience every year. However, there is one thing I can’t control….The mail.Read more
It’s been four years. Four times, the earth has orbited the sun in full since Megan’s death. That seems like an eternity, and yet at times, it also feels like it was yesterday. It’s still “fresh”, yet also “routine”.
If I could have foretold the future, four-and-a-half years ago, a few days before she died, it wouldn’t have changed anything, really. I would just know what to expect. I can reflect on it now, however. I can write to myself, 1,700 days later, telling my past not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to.
So, here goes.Read more
I wrote this on a night when the moon blazed so brightly in the sky...
"I remember, barely now, because it's been so long, the feel of my hand in Chuck's. His hand so strong and firm around mine. His hand gave me a feeling of comfort, of protection, of belonging... a sense of order in my Universe.
As the nights grow colder now, as the moon shimmers so very brightly above my upraised face, i remember, sometimes barely now, because it's been so very long, the strength of Chuck's arms around me from behind, as we stared up at this same moon, marveling at the beauty of it, transfixed by its' distance from us, and the might of the Universe around us...Read more