I wore Jeff's work coat the other night - Halloween night. It was the first time I have worn it in the three years since he died. I haven't wanted it to lose any of his smell, cells or presence by donning it myself. But with it on, I felt warm, cuddled and protected from the cold Autumn wind biting at me as I followed the kids down a variety of driveways while they asked strangers for candy.
Although I could have used his coat many times in the snow or stacking wood in the days since his death, it has hung in his closet collecting dust and the smell contained within said closet.Read more
Fourteen years ago, I awoke in my childhood bedroom … well got up anyway … I was too excited to sleep much.
My bridesmaid, my Mum and I quickly ate breakfast and took ourselves down to the salon for 'hair and makeup'.
We emerged hours later, coiffed and painted, but still recognisable.
Everyone ate lunch … not me … I couldn’t eat for the excitement.
Then I put on my beautiful dress, remade from the Guipure lace from my mother’s gown.
I looked beautiful.
More than that.
Lit from the inside.
The flowers arrived.
The photographer arrived.
We made it. Through all the firsts. The firsts without Jeff at birthday parties, Christmas morning, through illnesses and accomplishments. His absence has been an aching void....almost a presence in itself.
But time has continued its' slithery journey. I look back over the time without my love and see that 365 days have gone by and no time at all seems to have passed. But it has and I have grown stronger.
This past week has been tough.
I was doing OK for a long while, surviving birthdays, parties and mother's day ... but this past week has brought me crashing down with a thud.
You placed it onto my finger and our eyes met....making the agreement that from that point on our souls would be eternally connected....a searing of two hearts into one...no matter what lay ahead.
6 years ago you asked me the question that taught me that risk was a shorter word for following one's heart. Nothing has been more clear or absolute. Nothing has made me more honored and more proud.
The ring is more than a ring. Our love is more than love. We are more than us.
.... like this picture of Jim .... no longer make me cry.
Well, the majority of the time.
There are always "one of those days/weeks", but they are few and far between now.
I just returned from a camping trip with my brother and his family. It was at one of those family RV resorts, where everyone is parked next to each other, row after row. There were activities galore all weekend long, and lots of happy couples, excited kids, proud grandparents, and me.Read more
This picture was taken in 2006 by me...you can see me in the reflection. The headstone is mine, it sits right next to Daniel's on a hill in Ellinger Texas. It's in the cemetery next to the church we were married in.Read more
I'm writing this on Sunday, Father's Day. I just returned from visiting my folks, about 2 hours away. It seems that whenever the kids and I visit our extended family, especially on holidays, we end up having a debriefing of our thoughts and emotions on the ride home.
Before I start, let me share with you my own reactions to days such as this.
So I was gonna try and ignore Father’s Day.
It’s Father’s Day and my kids don’t have one.
I was gonna just treat it like every other Sunday only….