My last post was about my first year as a widow and some of the lessons I learned throughout that year. I wanted to do the second part of that post. I want to share with you some of the things that were said to me during that year that made me think, “You have to be kidding me.”
Things you shouldn’t say to a widow-
1. “You need to get over it!” (My thought was REALLY? Do I tell you to get over your family? NO! Dead or Alive they are still your family). If you are reading this and you haven’t lost the love of your life through death, please be MINDFUL of this comment.
2. “You are young and pretty, you can remarry.” I know people mean well when they say this, but that is insensitive to say to someone who lost their soulmate. Being with someone is a personal choice, and sometimes some of us don’t want to do this again, and that is PERFECTLY OK.
3. “Your house is not as clean as it used to be.” No shit Sherlock! I have a whole new set of responsibilities I need to attend too, including trying to keep myself alive today!
4. “You need to sensor the time that your child spends with Grandma because it’s hindering the bond of my child with Grandma.” Well, that sent me overboard! My child has a beautiful and special relationship with her Grandmother, and she lets other kids play with her too. But every time she sees her, she wants to feel her love and be next to her. I feel she feels her father through her. People can be very selfish, even to a fatherless child. Please people count your blessings!Read more
The more I learn and understand about the grieving process, the more I also clearly see how deeply our culture is uninformed about it and how horribly damaging it can be to some of us already damaged by the loss itself. So be forewarned: this post is a bit of a rant.