Okay, I should re-phrase....torture, painful, unbearable and hard to imagine surviving even a day.
Maximus and I take walks at night.
I love looking up and feeling like I'm in a planetarium. For some reason, it's also a moment I feel closest to Michael...and now Charlie.
I wanted to take some time to just talk about my friends.
These past few months have been some of the most changing and challenging months since Michael was first killed. The difference though, is I now have an unwavering support system.
The past few weeks have been good.
I've been getting our AWP offices ready and love all that that consists of.
I'm in love with the space. I'm in love with the area. And I'm in love with the feelings and emotions that have come from making this step in life.Read more
Tonight's just a night that I want to share how grateful I am for the eternal gift that keeps on giving. The one that allows me to be more than my loss and suffering and the ability to rise above and fulfill all my hopes and dreams. The gift that quietly nudges me out of the dark into a bright future. The gift that answers my heart's questions and wraps itself around me when life sends a cold front my way.Read more
The past week has been a roller coaster.
Charlie was laid to rest and it was one of the hardest moments of my life. It was also during that time that I was moved by my friends’ kindness. I was lucky and blessed to have some of my dearest and best friends there...friends that weren't like the friends that were around when Michael died....these are friends that aren't going anywhere and laugh and cry and grieve without questions or answers.
***This was written 2 days ago***
Charlie is more than a dog.
Though my family had him since he was a puppy, in 2004 he came to live with me full-time. He became king.
Always having been an outside dog, he was thrown into a world where he didn't have to fight to get to the dog bowl and got to sleep among pillows and soft comforters. An escape artist, he'd flee and be back with the hour waiting on the front porch. The same porch he'd eagerly await my arrival after class each day. He was my best friend.
***If you're reading this, it is officially May 21st, 2011. The four year angel-versary of my love. I'm writing this a week in advance, and hopefully have succeeded in doing my fourth skydive jump on the 20th (If I don't blog next week, I'll tell all your loves "hello" ;D ). This has become an annual event for the military widows of our organization and I know there company will ease the sharp bite of the last day my soul mate graced this earth with his life. Thank you all for continuing to read the blog and taking this journey with me. And with no further ado....the blog I posted after last year's jump and angel-versary.......***Read more
I've been getting everything ready for our upcoming AWP event these past two weeks.
One of the neatest components to the time is the golf tournament. I know...golf....not synonymous with anything too exciting, but at each hole is a sign. A sign that bears words from a fallen hero's wife. Words on his life, his character, his soul....even his favorite beer!
I've been preparing them the past three years, and never not smile with pride to know that I know these men through their widows.
**I've been revisiting past blogs. It's sort of a way to remind myself how far I've come and continue to go. Here's one I wrote May 9, 2009, that I wanted to share. I think we all, in some way or at some point, turn to books, blogs (wink, wink), or other forms of writing for healing**
I believe for me, that a huge part of figuring out one's grief, one most know themselves. Now I know some could say this goes without saying, but after the loss of your soul mate it's difficult finding out who this new you is, or in my case, who this new me is.Read more