How many things do we deny.
Deny ourselves to feel, grasp, understand, embrace.
Deny out of fear. Injustice. Pain. Feeling.
Yet there is a simple truth that we all innately know, yet somehow try to veer ourselves away from.
In one small word..One opposite....
***Written in 2010, but with a 2013 photo. With this year being my 5th Anniversary, I thought it a perfect time to re-post. :)***
This weekend I'll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more.
Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass, drinking wine from sports bottles, listening to amazing music, having a grief/stress free time.
Of course, since Michael's death I've had many days that way. Worry free, almost to the point where I forget that he's even dead, but what differentiated that festival weekend from anything else was the affect it had once the 3 days were over.
I'm a pretty laid back cat.
Put me in a room with great music, good company and a cold beer and I'm set.
But that's all external. Those are creature comforts.
When it comes to the internal....
The decisions I make that will determine my life at that current moment.
I've learned that the one thing you can't be is laid back.
You must be vigilant.
A gladiator for your heart and all that it truly needs.
I've recently been on the search for a new home.
It's not a long distance from my current casa, but in an area I love and come alive in.
During many of the showings of the houses I've found enticing, I've been bombarded with one question over and over from my brokers (aka parents).
As we entered each place and I'd point out something I loved, they would rebutt with....
I was spending my Friday evening perusing a used book store when my eyee were caught by this very catchy title.
Being an avid "Wizard of Oz" fan, the switch of HOME with HOPE struck such a chord with me.
Home, for me, has never equated to a physical structure, but rather a place to fully be me.
You know that feeling….
You can do it all.
Conquer it all.
Get through it all.
You enter any situation or place almost as if you own the joint, simply because they’re by your side.
All is right.
All that isn’t, will soon be.
All is sound.
You have the unquestionable and unshakeable knowledge that you are deeply loved.
For all that you are.
All that you’ll be.
“Somehow she knew that you didn’t get many moments like this in your life: moments when you knew, without any doubt, that you were alive, when you felt the air in your lungs and the wet grass beneath your feet and the cotton on your skin; moments when you were completely in the present, when neither the past nor the future mattered. She tried to slow her breathing, hoping somehow to make this moment last forever.”
My life is much different from many of my loved ones.
I find myself traveling 1/3 of the year.
I happily sleep with two (furry) men each night I'm home.
No one gets on my back for the dishes sitting in the sink a bit too long or the dirty clothes on the floor.
“Peace and clarity is not to be learned by flight from the world, or by running away from things, or by turning solitary and going apart from the world. Rather, we must learn an inner solitude wherever or with whomsoever we may be.”
“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for."
What is your answer? Don't try to categorize into a million things.
What are the hand full of basics? For life? For you?