Today marks 8.
8 years since the most remarkable man chose me to spend the rest of his life with....and he did...if only for a year and a half in flesh.
I prepped the night before...jotting down what great deeds I would do, not only in commemoration of this special day, but the people and universe that surround and house the spirit and love that we share.
I awoke, opened my eyes to the sun shining through the blinds and said aloud "Happy Anniversary, my love...let's rock this!"
As I showered, Sam Cooke's "What a Wonderful World" played and I my heart filled with the mission at hand.
The mission to share a fraction...an ounce..of the love...unconditional love...I had been shown during his time on earth.
This year was different, I wanted to spread kindness, but throw in bit of us...who we are...what we love.
I warmed up with a stop at Starbucks, buying giftcards for the two cars behind us and leaving a 300% tip to the warm smile that handed me the green tea latte.
I found joy in looking in the rear view mirror at the unsuspecting person that I hoped to share a bit of sunshine with.
“A song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it.” -Sarah Dessen
“We envy others, for we see their lives in broad outline, while forced to live ours in every detail.”
— Robert Brault
I'm leading a weekend with a group of widows for our organization and there was one commonality within the group:Read more
I've been traveling a ton the past week and in the midst of that, found myself looking through notebooks filled with quotes and thoughts that have inspired my being.
One in particular, stuck out this evening:
"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."
“The answer is to push-in rather than hold back, to get into the thick mess of it, and to put your whole weight into it. … [This realization] has given me the freedom to fully engage all aspects of my life, to stop being a spectator, and to throw my whole weight into it.
Because, no, my motives aren’t perfect. They do make a mess of things.
But they are also the driving force behind the clean-up process; as long as I keep my heart and spirit open, as long as I admit that I don’t have it all figured out, they are constantly being shaped and formed and made into something new.” Allison Vesterfelt
It's a funny thing.
The breaking of the shell that once encased a broken heart.
A shell that unveils a stronger, more resilient heart....person...life.
No longer protected by the bitterness and loathing of what occurred, you find yourself open and vulnerable to the elements of a life you're ready to live.
With that comes some of life's irritants; insecurity, doubt and apprehension.
I wish I could spend a the monring writing someting truly poetic, but I've been swamped holding our first gala for the military widows the AWP serves and I feel that only one excerpt fully embodies what the night, these amazing women, and what we all are capable of doing when we see the light.
“Which do you want: the pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth?”- Judith LasaterRead more
When he died, my faith died.
Faith in a god, life, living...
There was only one thing I wanted to believe, that he'd come back home.
When that didn't come to fruition, it was believing that life would end shortly thereafter.
It wouldn't change until I started believing.Read more
It was one day after the one year mark of losing him.
I was on a plane to Spain.
One backpack in tow. Two sets of clothes. Euros. Some photos. My feet.
225 miles to hike on unknown terrain that had no map, but seashells in the ground as markers or random arrows painted on tree trunks.
But before that flight and the pilgrimage, came the preparation.
Let's just say that I was not a hiker.