Ever since TT and I went to the David Gray concert,
I've become more consumed in his lyrics and songs.
This song is one of them (as it played we both looked at each other like "what is this?! I love it!")
“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh?’ he whispered.
‘Nothing,’ said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’”
I'd be lying if there weren't moments where I begged for a sign, dream, feeling that you were here...around.
Not through buildings, books, televisions or how much money he had in his account- but through lives.
The lives he touched with his words, kindness, support. The lives he touched through his love, encouragement and unfaltering friendship.
It is no secret.... my engagement ring is part of me. When he slipped it on my finger that September day, it symbolized more than our unity, but more so our eternal love, undying dedication and taking this journey together...never faltering.Read more
March 24th, 2007-
I sat in my office, blaring music and talking to a fellow Army wife on IM. Wearing my pajamas, which consisted of Michael's basic training sweatshirt, I swirled around on my wooden office chair with the sun creeping through the blinds.
Underneath the rumble of music I hear something...another noise that I soon decipher as a phone ringing.Read more
“I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.” -Jennifer Louden
Let me just say how much I love this quote. I really should print it on cards and hand it out to those who make the snide remarks that I will not be able to be happy until I "move on" or somehow refuse to acknowledge the smile on my face when they see no one is standing at my side.
I wanted to touch base on guilt, as I believe it has played a role in my grief with Michael's loss.
The guilt that he died and I lived.
The guilt of the things he never got to experience that I now have been.
The guilt of having eyes to still see this world's beauty and ears to hear its melodies.
The guilt of knowing that he would have handled this pain, loss, and life better than I could, if it had been me to go instead.
I've been able to reach the life I deserved. Just as stated above. But then the sparks fizzled...went out...as that life slipped through my fingers with fate's plan.
This past weekend though, in the presence of those acquainted with the loss of their love, their soul mates, the sparks reignited, pilot light by pilot light.
So a little story... a story I love to tell :)
It was February 12th, 2009, and I decided to do something I had given up after Michael's passing...create homemade Valentine's Day cards. Making cards was one of my favorite things and with it being a dismal part of the year, I was secretly hoping it would lift my spirits. Michael used to love receiving them and seeing all the little touches I'd add to make it special.
I try not to think too much on all the things we would have done, family we would have built and life together we would have lived.
I try not to imagine it too much, for there is a pain associated with the what-ifs and that which we were unable to fulfill as the soul mates we are.
We lived our fairy tale. Our own Disney movie.