It started with a call from CJ (my brother in law), letting me know that he and Kenzi we're heading to the hospital to have their baby girl.
Rewind to 9 months earlier, it was another dinner and movie night at our home and Kenzi and CJ walked in, stood in the entrance and announced they were pregnant. When the words came out of their mouths, it was one of the moments in which the finality of Michael not being there to be a part of this chapter of their lives sank in.
After he was killed, it was so easy to stay down.
Barricaded not only in my house but my emotions, thoughts and feelings. I'd torture myself with not looking at the memories as a gift, but more so, a reminder of that which could never be again. Even as the light would creep in through the darkness, I still didn't allow myself to feel and live the way I already knew how to live when he was alive, but instead the way I thought I was supposed to live because he was dead. How can I exist, let alone smile and feel alive with my soul mate not here?
***It was nearly 3 years ago that I got my Memorial tattoo for myself. While reminiscing I found the blog I wrote about the experience less than 6 months after he was killed. Since we sometimes forget where we've come from in the midst of the grief, healing, and journey that takes place, I thought I'd share this.Read more
Do you know?
Know what your love has gotten me through, lifted me above, allowed me to see and my heart to follow?Read more
This past week I found myself in Washington, D.C. for the National Memorial Day Concert.
Accompanied by some of my greatest widow friends, we spent the weekend catching up, visiting fallen loved ones at Section 60, night walks around the monuments, searching of names for our Vietnam widows and more.
All in all it was a weekend above all Memorial Day weekends since Michael's passing.
As noted last weekend, the 21st marked 3 years since my hero's death, but tradition continues of being around amazing widows leading up to or after the date.
This past week we were in Fayetteville, NC for our annual golf tournament for the organization, followed by our annual AWP Skydive!
Three whopping years since it happened.
Since my soul mate went to the other side and I ventured out in the unfamiliar world called widowhood.
With my 3 year angel-versary in the coming weeks, I thought I'd dig back into posts I wrote in the first months.
While at the post office I needed to buy a bulk amount of stamps for the AWP. I ask the lady if she can show me what designs they have available. She asked me if it was for a wedding or shower, "No," I replied.
She pulls out a Frank Sinatra set, another she had nearby, as well as the Purple Heart stamps.
"Do you have anything else patriotic, like the American flag or red, white and blue?"
When I came across the excerpt below, it made me not only reflect on what may flash before my eyes in those final moments, but comforted me in knowing that what flashed before my husband's eyes when that time came. A life he enjoyed watching.
So here's to us...and our journey to enjoy the ride, and when the time comes...our final moments...