three years ago,
my first march in
overwhelmed by circumstances,
unaware of what
i was in for.
in her bed at
the hospital, madeline
.... for mostly .... everything.
Even time for things that at other times .... look very negative.
There is a time for selfishness .... and I had that time. I needed that time. I needed it in order to survive.
The middle of the night is where I feel your void most intensely. I attempt to busy my brain with other less painful activities. I lay in our nightlight lit room listening to the drippy wet sounds of the aquarium down the hall, the monotonous whirr of the bathroom fan left on, the refrigerator starting up yet again. I attempt to make a mental list of activities that I'd like to do with the kids. A registry of people not yet called, thanked or contacted. A calendar of events that are upcoming.Read more
it is late
and i’m still awake,
a fit of creativity
has settled upon
my brain, and has
eight fingers and two
thumbs, working to pound
words i’ve struggled
Tonight, as I attempted to turn off the water to the tub, I was hit with a major plumbing emergency. Initially, as I was unable to shut off the water to the already very full bath, I thought, "Oh, *^%$#. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!!"
Turning the knob to the left did nothing. Turning it to the right had the same undesired effect. Saying my most favoured and shocking swearword, unfortunately, didn't help either....
.... and .... shockingly enough .... it came .... and went .... and I never saw it.
Friday was the 18th, month 22. And I didn't think about it one time. Even as I wrote the date down once or twice, it still didn't occur to me.
After last month's tsunami of a wave slammed into me on that date I find this incredible. And very hard to believe.
And a bit troublesome, though I'm not letting that one take a foothold in my heart.Read more