Mothers. It's complicated.
Being a mother. Having a mother. Not having a mother.
It's all complicated.
The truth is Mother's Day can be a lousy day a lot for some people for various and unique reasons.
Not everyone has a mother on earth.
Some have a mother who is alive, but absent from them.
Some are truant by choice; others are not present because of geography.
And, it must be acknowledged that not everyone is a mother.
Some are not mothers by choice; others are without children by fate.
Further, not every mother has her child here with her on earth...
And, not everyone has a mother who is emotionally available to them.
Not everyone has the mother they wanted.
And, some are not the mothers they want to be.
There is guilt.
There is love.
Mothers. It's complicated.
Many of us are walking down broken roads we never expected to be on. Days like Mother's Day can pronounce what we've lost, what we want, or what we never had. Days like Mother's Day can enunciate what is missing in our lives. I am fortunate. I have children and I celebrated Mother's Day with them. I know this is a luxury that not every mother has. So, why did I still feel unsettled?Read more
I have the ironic honor of always writing on Mother’s Day, being the Sunday writer here at Widow’s Voice. Ironic because it always forces me to evaluate my feelings about a holiday I have mostly chosen not to celebrate since my own mother died when I was young. I hate this day, or at least, I mostly always have. But this post isn't about that. This is a story of surprises, and how life evolves after the losses in our lives in some of the most unexpected ways.
I decided today, that I would go back and re-read a few of my posts from previous years, to see if there was something to glean there. I came across this one, from 2014, called The Accidental Mother, where I share about a waiter wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day accidentally. The excerpt below stopped me in my tracks...Read more
Many of you know, in my “chapter two” or whatever we’re calling it… I relocated my life from Texas to Ohio last fall, to start a new beginning with Mike and his 9 year old daughter, Shelby. This summer it will be 4 years since Drew died, and this is the first relationship I’ve been in since that horrible day in the summer of 2012. There are more connections between our lives than I could have ever imagined. Both Shelby and I losing our mother’s around the age of 8. Both Mike and I losing our partners at roughly the same ages (his wife, Megan, was the same age as me when she died). Watching Mike as a father, knowing his fears and worries, teaching me all kinds of things about what my own dad sacrificed to raise me on his own after my mom died. Being a mother-figure to Shelby, which in turn gives healing to the little girl in me who never had a new mother-figure in quite the same way… as my dad never remarried or dated again. Every bit of love I give to these two seems to be a balm to some of the oldest wounds in my own heart… as if they are the medicine my soul has waited for all these years. That brings me to one particularly important night this past week… the Father-Daughter dance...Read more