Mothers. It's complicated.
Being a mother. Having a mother. Not having a mother.
It's all complicated.
The truth is Mother's Day can be a lousy day a lot for some people for various and unique reasons.
Not everyone has a mother on earth.
Some have a mother who is alive, but absent from them.
Some are truant by choice; others are not present because of geography.
And, it must be acknowledged that not everyone is a mother.
Some are not mothers by choice; others are without children by fate.
Further, not every mother has her child here with her on earth...
And, not everyone has a mother who is emotionally available to them.
Not everyone has the mother they wanted.
And, some are not the mothers they want to be.
There is guilt.
There is love.
Mothers. It's complicated.
Many of us are walking down broken roads we never expected to be on. Days like Mother's Day can pronounce what we've lost, what we want, or what we never had. Days like Mother's Day can enunciate what is missing in our lives. I am fortunate. I have children and I celebrated Mother's Day with them. I know this is a luxury that not every mother has. So, why did I still feel unsettled?Read more
As Mother’s Day approaches, I always tend to think of Megan a bit more. Many everyday things become somehow intertwined with a memory or anecdote about her, simply because she was Shelby’s mother. Even mowing the lawn brings thoughts about the fact that she had to close all of the windows in the house due to the smell of fresh cut grass making her cough.
Megan is never far from Shelby or I’s memory. If I had a nickel for every time Shelby began a sentence with “Remember when mom...” I’d be a millionaire. She hasn’t seemed to look any deeper into Megan’s death than humorous stories or zombie jokes though. I mean, she’s only 11. Her mom has been gone for almost 4 years now, and her biggest concerns are getting to ride her bike and the newest novel in the book series she’s reading being released to stores.
It makes me wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.Read more
My mother, daughter, and girlfriend have all lost their own mothers at a young age, all to different illnesses. Each of their moms had to stare their own mortality square in the eye, and hope for the best for their daughters. They did everything they could to love and protect their little ones in the time they had, but ultimately, they had no choice but to leave them to grow up without their biological mother.
Tuberculosis, Cancer, and Cystic Fibrosis. Those are the diseases that took my mom, Sarah, and Shelby’s mothers, each before their daughters were even ten years old. Though each is of a different generation and time in their life, they have all needed to learn how to become a mother after losing their own biological mother. They each picked up surrogate mothers along the way. Friends of the family, adoptive parents, neighbors, teachers, and other relatives were all able to form part of the village it takes.
But none had their biological mothers. I can’t begin to fathom that.Read more
I have the ironic honor of always writing on Mother’s Day, being the Sunday writer here at Widow’s Voice. Ironic because it always forces me to evaluate my feelings about a holiday I have mostly chosen not to celebrate since my own mother died when I was young. I hate this day, or at least, I mostly always have. But this post isn't about that. This is a story of surprises, and how life evolves after the losses in our lives in some of the most unexpected ways.
I decided today, that I would go back and re-read a few of my posts from previous years, to see if there was something to glean there. I came across this one, from 2014, called The Accidental Mother, where I share about a waiter wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day accidentally. The excerpt below stopped me in my tracks...Read more