... but this time .... I'm falling apart physically more than emotionally.
At least for now.
I'm not sure which is worse.
I'm just hoping that, this time, I can cope with a physical problem without having the waves of grief crash in on me.
.... a nice bank account.
That's the issue today. I originally published the majority of this post (with a different title) on my personal blog on October 27th. But it seemed to hit home with so many widowed people that I thought I'd write it again (and add to it) here.
"You treat yourself nice." ....
.... because I am starting to realize that not everyone on this path .... "gets it". Yes, that's a broad term, but I've used it and seen it used hundreds of times amongst widowed people. Since Jim died I have discovered that when widowed people are together (or writing to one another) many words don't have to spoken. Most emotions and feelings don't have to be explained. Most behaviors don't need to be defended.
We "get" each other.
.... that still brings huge waves of pain and grief to me, even after almost three years, is also one of the most beautiful things in our home.
It is my piano.
.... just because you're in a relationship.
Most relationships have their bumps and turns.
But throw in two widowed people, their children (8, with & without teenage hormones), the difference in the time of their widowedness (6 1/2 years) and the grief that each still carries ..... and you don't just have a few bumps and turns.
You have a monstrous version of bumper cars.
.... set backs.
I know that's a given.
Life is full of set backs.
Everyone's life, not just mine.
So why is it then, that when I am hit with one of them .... I'm surprised?
This thing called grief.
I just got back from a fantastic trip to Germany. I was with a group of 46 other people and we toured around for nearly 2 weeks.
It was my first trip "alone".
I've gone on trips with the kids or with friends, but I went by myself on this one. I stayed by myself in all of the hotels.
(this was originally posted on Feb. 16, 2008, almost 2 months after Jim's death. It was in response to many of my blog readers asking me what to "not say" to a grieving person". This is the 2nd time I have posted it on WV, but I think we need to remind people ..... every once in a while).
OK, buckle your seat belts. And please, please, please remember -- I have no memory of who said what. Please don't put that onto me or yourselves. This is not to make ANYONE feel badly. It's just what I've learned and have been told to pass on. I think most of us are doing this for the first time. And like parenting, we don't always get it right the first time.Read more
..... to know that Jim is in Heaven? Yes, someone asked me this ...... 10 days after Jim's sudden death.
Interesting question. Should I/we be happy that Jim is in heaven? Well, of course if I were a "good" Christian then I'd have to give you the pat, "good" answer: 'Of course I'm glad that he's up there, with God, praising and singing (though he never really enjoyed singing so I'm not sure he's all THAT thrilled) and will never suffer again.'
..... and Love.
No, not the book.
But just those three small words.
I was looking at my copy of the book this morning, wondering what I was going to post about for WV.
And then I started thinking about those 3 words.
And about how small they are, but also about how much power and emotion has been packed into each of them since Jim died.