.... is rather a "loaded" word, is it not?
Those of you who follow my blog or me on Facebook know that I have spent a lot of time over the last few weeks purging and organizing my home .... and my attic. I find that I get the urge to purge about 2 or 3 times a year, and when that urge hits .... I just go with it. Quickly. And I work like a mad man woman until the urge leaves.
... another wave comes and smacks you from behind .....
.... is a funny thing.
Other times .... not so much.
This was Jim's favorite picture frame with one of his favorite pictures of our children. It was taken about 13 years ago, around the same time I gave him the frame. Meaning, in "my time", about 10 years .... "before".
.... a moment.
One teeny tiny moment .... to change your world.
To destroy your world as you know it.
To make you feel as if you will drop dead.
Just one moment.
...... I originally wrote this post 4 months after Jim died ..... exactly one month before what would have been our 25th anniversary. What. Would. Have. Been.
So very many "what would have beens' over the past 3 years.
Anyway, I was looking through some of my older posts and thought I'd share this one with you.
.... I chose it.
Yep, this time I chose grief.
Although, in my defense ..... I really didn't know I'd be experiencing grief.
I thought it might be more cut and dried ..... but considering the amount of tears I've shed since Friday, it's anything but dried.
I ended our relationship.
We ended our relationship.
I instigated the "talk", but it was mutual.
.... or at least the "appearance" of it, is very illusionary, is it not?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard, or read, someone say, "You're so strong, Janine. I just don't know how you do it." ..... or some variance thereof. I bet you wish you had those dollars, too (not for me hearing it, of course, but for every time YOU heard it).
.... for mostly .... everything.
Even time for things that at other times .... look very negative.
There is a time for selfishness .... and I had that time. I needed that time. I needed it in order to survive.
.... and so do you.
Some of you may be so new to this "club" that you aren't aware of your powers yet. But you have them. Oh you certainly have them.
In fact, the newer you are in the club, the stronger your powers are.
And they are very, very strong.Read more
This is part of a post I wrote February 7, 2008, about a month and a half after Jim's death.
I have yet to go back and read every post since he died ..... especially the early ones. I'm not sure when I'll feel able to do that .... to go back to that very dark, very lonely place where death seemed to be the only escape. But I will ..... some day.
So, this title caught my eye and I thought I'd share it with you: