Do you ever have one of those days when you think that nothing, NOTHING could top the last stupid thing that happened to you?
Today was one of those days.
I had three very stupid, and potentially painful, items in my mailbox.
All three were from our government.
I will refrain from saying any more on that.Read more
....for very long.
I find that it's emotionally and physically impossible for me to sit and just think about Jim. I cannot reflect on memories.
I can only think of him in snatches of time. And only for a moment.
I wonder if this is how most people deal with grief?Read more
Hi everyone! It's good to be back and I'm thankful to Colleen for taking over for me while I was gone. Interestingly enough, she and I share the same anniversary. It was my second without Jim and I'm not gonna lie.... it was tough.
But I'm still here.
And that's something.Read more
Today's post is really for all of the "newer" women who are on this path ...... the one we didn't want to be on, the club we didn't want to join.
I was trying to think of what to say to a new friend whose husband died a few months ago. She is in the middle of what I call the "black". I am not a veteran in this process, by any stretch of the imagination. But I can see that I'm slowly moving forward. And so I wanted to encourage her, and those of you who are in the "black".
My heart is so heavy for each one of you. I wish there was something I could say, something I could do to take some of the pain off of you. But I can't, can I?Read more
Yes ..... sometimes I talk to Jim. This is a new experience for me. I've been a widow for over 16 months and I've never really "talked" to him .... until recently.
I couldn't do it before. I couldn't believe that he could see and hear me. After all, I have no doubt that he is in Heaven .... no doubt at all. And I have no doubt that there are no tears .... or sadness in Heaven. And so I believed that there was no way he could see or hear me ...... or he would be terribly, terribly sad.
He would hate to see what his death has done to me.
And so I couldn't talk to him.Read more
I've been thinking about regrets a lot lately. Not about Jim and me. No way. He knew that he was seriously loved and adored ...... as did I. I have no regrets about us and our marriage, other than it wasn't long enough ..... not by a long shot.
This past weekend was our youngest child's (Son #3) Confirmation. This was our first Confirmation without Jim. I had been dreading it for a while, as had Son #3, I think.
It was a very difficult .... and yet good, day.
Many tears were shed. And not just by me.Read more
... whether you want them to or not. I mean ---- obviously, right? I decided to carry forward with both Michele's post and Michelle's post.
After Jim died I never considered removing my wedding rings. Never. I felt it would be on my finger forever. And for many, many months it was.
And then one day ..... that feeling changed. I know that I am still Jim's wife. I will always be Jim's wife .... but to the outside world .... I am not. And so it suddenly felt like I was doing something false by wearing the rings. I in no way think this is true for every widow .... or even most widows .... I just know that one day .... it was true for me.
And so I took them (his and mine) to our local (and much frequented by Jim) jewelry shop and told them what I wanted. The rings fit perfectly inside of each other ..... and I wanted them at an angle. But I also wanted to be able to easily remove them, in case I change my mind down the road, or one of the kids wanted to use them.
This was my design and now I wear it every day (I think if you click on the picture you can see it up close).
If there's one thing you can count on while on this road through widowhood (and there's not much!) ..... it's how constantly inconsistent everything seems to be ....... especially, but not limited to, our emotions.
I used to think I was crazy ..... early on the path. I mean, after the first few months of black blurriness, I started to emerge once in a while. And then I'd realize, at the end of a day, that that day had not been too bad. If fact, I might have almost called it "good" if that word hadn't seemed so inappropriate!Read more
.... ummmm, what? Doesn't that sound a bit rude? SORRY to meet you?
Well, one would assume that the above statement is very rude indeed ...... if one is a person who is not reading this blog because they are not on this "path".
For the women (and men) who read this blog because you are on this path, I am very, very sorry to meet you.Read more