Susan McAlpine

  • commented on Lifelines 2019-02-05 06:45:25 -0800
    As I read this blog, the tears are streaming down my face. Yesterday was good. The grief is always there, but it was just bubbling below the surface. Today it has erupted, and for the first time in a while I find myself wailing with grief again. And I am alone, so I can wail. In this second year, I find it difficult that I intuitively know that the amazing friends who loved Richard too, and who have been amazing supports don’t expect me to cry in their presence at this point. So I try not to. But today I am alone, I miss Richard with every fibre of my being, and I wail.

  • commented on Joy Isn't Found in Tap Water 2019-01-28 18:04:28 -0800
    Finding the courage to create my own life…exactly! ❤️

  • commented on Average Widow 2019-01-16 06:55:01 -0800
    Staci, every one of your posts that I read expresses exactly what I am feeling! You describe the ache in your soul and the lonely moments that best. Now, nearly 2 years later, I have many good days. I try to be positive and look forward, but then that sometimes feels like I am not honouring Richard. Almost as though I should feel sad… I will read and reread your post. ❤️

  • commented on Speaking to the Ghost of Christmas Past 2018-12-25 19:40:55 -0800
    Hard to see the hope after such a sudden, excruciating loss. 20 months on Christmas Day. Sometimes I can’t believe he’s gone and i never believe I can survive the pain of losing him. Definitely like an amputation.

  • commented on Another Birthday without him 2018-12-07 18:52:38 -0800
    Staci, another one of your posts that I identify with 100%. It is only 19 months for me, but I understand your comments on the second year. Your post gives me hope that I will find peace to replace the despair. It will be 20 months on Christmas Day. The first 12 months and last Christmas are a complete blur for me, so I hope to be “in the moment” with my wee grandchildren this year, and I will reread your post to renew my hope. God bless…

  • commented on Condiments 2018-11-04 06:31:04 -0800
    It is 18 months since my wonderful husband of 46 years died. I still hate saying that. And I identify with everything you have said here Staci. Was it yesterday or a lifetime ago? And yes, time has been distorted since he left. I still turn to tell him something and sometimes I feel momentarily surprised that he isn’t there to listen, laugh or comment. I have condiments too, and a few other small things that I can’t part with because the last person that touched them was Richard. ❤️

  • commented on A Good Day 2018-10-28 17:52:05 -0700
    Right on the money! I thought I was the only one thinking this way! Thank you for sharing this!

  • commented on Makeshift Plan 2018-10-06 18:43:35 -0700
    I wish I shared your ability to get out of the holding pattern. I feel I have been marking time for 17 months and 11 days. I have survived but I have not thrived.

  • commented on Blind Faith 2018-09-25 17:15:07 -0700
    Like others have said, Staci, I feel I could have written this! I had no idea others felt like I do…like I’m marking time. It doesn’t make my future clearer, but it is somewhat comforting that someone else feels like I do!

  • commented on The Never Ending Story 2018-09-24 17:19:47 -0700
    Oh my..l thought I was the only one thinking this! It’s 1 year, 4 months, 29 days and 18 hours since my soul mate died. It occurred to me recently that despite how people talk, grief never ever ends. Others in one’s circle who haven’t been in our shoes don’t always get it. After a year, they seem to assume things are going better. Yes…marginally. I don’t wail and sob all day every day, but I still have those despondent days. Despite having a lot of social connections, involving myself in activities, keeping as physically busy as I can that hole in my being is always there…the loneliness. ❤️

  • commented on Numbers 2018-08-28 14:33:09 -0700
    I can so identify with the envy. I’m at the other end of the spectrum. I was with the love of my life for 46 years. We had just retired and were so enjoying our new lifestyle, golfing, walking, renovating. 16 months ago, in the space of 3 days he was yanked away from me. He always held my hand, opened doors, held my chair in a restaurant. People who mean to be kind tell me I should be grateful for the wonderful years we had, and I am. But right now I am mostly sad that he isn’t with me and envious of all those other people who still have their partners.