It is my privileged to write to you each week and I hope my blog inspires you to question what is stirring in your heart. I encourage you to lean into your grief. And, to feel it to it's depth. This isn't easy, but it is the only way through this mess.
I believe that we are lead back towards life and living when we allow ourselves to be still, and sit in the "nothingness" where grief lives. Visiting this empty place is difficult, but it is necessary. This quiet place holds the blueprints of our new, changed life.
I know you are scared to go to the edge of this place; admittedly, I am too. But, we have to take a leap of faith. With time, I am gathering momentum, and I am going to leap and build my wings on the way down.
It has been over two years since Mike died and I realize that what I fear most about the future is not the risks and uncertainty. What I am afraid of is letting the opportunities for change pass me by. I am afraid that I will settle into an ordinary life when I want an extraordinary life.
I am worried that I will play small, when my potential is big. As I write to you each week I am challenging us both not to shrink. I am keeping us accountable. I do not want either of us to fall back into an easy comfortableness when we can leap forward, towards a bold life. I want you to manifest the best in yourself. Go on, begin to recreate a beautiful life for yourself.
From the Ledge with Wings in Hand,
I wrote about how it felt to be his girl. I tried to express what I think Mike felt for me. But, really, the feelings between us were bigger than any words I can write. Our Souls fell into one another. And, there is no recovering from a love like this.
Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to live the rest of my life with all this missing.
Today, I went to the grave and knelt on the grass and missed him with all my heart. I cried and I cried and I kissed his headstone. None of this helped. I miss him and there is nothing that can “fix” this aching inside me.
Godspeed to me, to you and to us all as we try to find our way through this mess.