When Tin passed away, my social media was flooded with posts and photos showing just how much he was loved and how much support I had to lean on taking my first steps on this new beach. Each day had been continued support helping me step forward and weather the waves.
Over time, the posts and check-ins faded and I found myself a bit bipolar about it. On one hand I wasn’t being flooded and reminded every day of the hardest loss of my life but on the other hand it felt like people forgot I wasn’t ok yet. Worst of all, it felt like they all already forgot about Tin. I know they haven’t and that the wave of salt water blurs your eyes as your trying to tread water over the abyss but it’s very easy to feel alone without your person to anchor you through the storms.
So I’ve gotten used to making dinner for myself and cleaning the dishes alone. I’ve gotten used to cleaning laundry and folding it alone. I’ve started getting used to going to bed alone but waking up alone still has a rougher feel. That is where social media can make or break you. I woke up and my Facebook memory (that they suggested I remember) is one of my favorite memories of Tin and I celebrating his birthday. It was the first birthday we celebrated together and seeing that unexpectedly was a sharp blow to the chest. Before I knew it I was uncontrollably sobbing and I was right back to day one without him.
There are so many wonderful things about social media. Staying connected with people helps keep us afloat when storms hit. However there is always a gamble I will get a “friendly” reminder that I’ve suffered a life altering loss followed immediately by posts from friends who have the one thing in life I can never get back – Tin…