Settling Into the Weird

Last night, I saw the film "Bohemain Rhapsody" with my love, Nick. 

Everything having anything to do with music always makes me think of Don.

It just does. 

Our connection was largely based in music. We met through music. We played and sang music together. 

We introduced each other to lots of musicians and artists to listen to. 

Don used music and strumming his guitar, as his biggest coping mechanism to get through the trauma he saw on the job. 

To get through most hard things. 

He would disappear into music, play his guitar for a couple hours in solitude, and then he would be okay. 

Don and I connected through music. 

And then also, Nick and I have a music connection. 

We sit in his car and we choose songs off CD's for each other, and play them to each other, 

to express how we are feeling. 

We go see live music together often. 

Small jazz clubs, and bigger concerts like James Taylor and Billy Joel. 

Each time there is a music event in our lives, there is always at least one moment when I think of Don.

At the movie last night, it was brief, but there was a moment of sadness for me, 

in the knowing that he would never see this awesome movie. 


Tomorrow, I am doing another Book-Signing Event. 

It will be hosted by my cousin and his wife, who has an art gallery and offered to have the event there.

My cousin Nicky plays guitar, and I sing, and we will be doing some singing and playing together at the event.

My love will be there, supporting me and helping out, even making a dessert for the event as part of the refreshment table. 

I know that singing with my cousin while he plays guitar is going to make me think of Don. A lot. 

My cousin and Don got along really great. They talked music a lot. They talked guitar a lot. 

Don took a guitar lesson from Nicky one time, and he loved it so much. 

I bought Don a guitar from Nicky's music shop for Christmas one year. 

He held onto it like a little boy and exclaimed: "I have the bestest wife ever!" 

I know Nick and Nicky will get along awesome. They will meet for the first time tomorrow. 

And Nick will meet some more of my family, and I know they will all love him, like I do. 

But its still, and maybe always, WEIRD to me that Don is not physically in attendance at these types of events.

Family gatherings. 

This time, in Don's place will be a BOOK about him and his life and death,

which is amazing. It is my way of giving him a legacy. 

Going there with my new love and honoring my husband who died, 

has just become a normal part of life for me.

But yes,

its still weird. 

It always will be. 

But Im settling into the weird. 


With thoughtfulness and caution. 

And just like a beautiful and well-written song, 

there are fragments and measures 

within the music

that will put a spotlight 

on those moments of life

I have shared,

and am sharing,

with these two wonderful men. 


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