What Now?

Unique and very individualized. It helps people to find solace in stories similar to each of there own. I find comfort in knowing there are others with relatable stories.

  • commented on Dreaming Together 2019-11-03 06:20:32 -0800
    Most of my sadness and sobbing i truely believe comes from the unfulled dreams of the everyday myself. My husband died on fathers day of this year tragically right in front of our children and i. We will never be the same to say the least. And even though i am an intelligent person my mind cant easily stop the hopefulness of the old dreams.
    I cry for him and all he is missing especially all the moments with the kids. My some speaks often of the dreams him and my husband shared together of the one day we will do this or dad and i were gonna fix that together. Or the mom who is gonna do this or that with me now. I usually tell him i will of course. But of course i know and he knows even if he doesnt point out in fear of hurting me that its just not the same doing things you planned on doing with ur dad. I try my hardest but i fear i will never be enough of a parent . i mean how could i . i am only mom and could never be dad too. Ricardo was there dad and a great one by anyones standards. So when you speak of the dreams of what i call hopes of memories and dreams of now never to pass it makes me sullen and my bottom lip quivers cause of some what fear and anxiety of not being able to be there for my kids the way my husband ultimately would have been. I just misss him soo much .and i not only fear a future with out him but the future unfulfill.😭💗

  • commented on Call Me Anytime 2019-10-30 03:53:07 -0700
    I just read your post and i have loved that show dead to me ever since i watched the first episode i was hooked and then binged the rest of the season i have been hopeing and waiting for the next season to come out hopeing they dont cancel. Me and husband loved finding good shows on net flix but then before we would know it would be canceled. He was more on social media than i so he would always alert me to when one of our shows got canceled now that he is gone i feel even more out of the loop. It seems to be that way i feel with everything out of the social loop. When i lost him i lost who i was and now i just feel list without him. It.s scary being lost trying to lead two small children when me myself doesnt even know the way. I hate being scared and the only person i would turn to is no longer here. I feel so alone its crazy cause once i found my husband i never thought i.d ever feel this feeling again .it never dawned on mye that he might die so young. It just sends an ever lasting uneasy feeling of insecurity.it sucks leading a life designed for us two well us four byt now its like i.m not leading just wondering aimlessly. I find myself watching alot death related content shows . theres a series called black mirror with short all inclusive stories within each episode that are kinda two of my favorite death related one episode is called i.ll be right back and the other is called junipero. U should check it out. Thnx for your story its nice to find others to relate to makes it kinda feel not so lonely.

  • commented on Mending the Quilt 2019-10-28 23:49:09 -0700
    I enjoyed your story very much and even though i feel as though the death of my husband is still yet too fresh to quite enjoy moments like you obviously can i hope that one day soon i can too because its killing me that i am here on earth and should be enjoying my little ones twice as much since the tragic sudden death of my husband the kids father but yet hear i am too sad feeling sorry for myself about not having him hear for this holiday was his favorite.😞

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  • commented on Grieving for Two 2019-10-19 06:54:32 -0700
    Wow this is exactly how i feel also. I think that i get mostly sad and angree cause off what he is missing out on and all that he ever looked forward to our family doing together. I know i cant help but to think of that cheesy ironic song by alanis morset but thats crazy you put into words what i have been feeling but couldnt find how to say it. Honestly i just through my hands up as if looking up towards god and say REAlly??? Then let out a big sigh and cry.

  • commented on Listen to their Hearts 2019-10-12 21:55:55 -0700
    How beautiful.i think the same thing about celebrate our loved ones who have died. Yesterday my kids and i celebrated my husbands birthday with family and cake a bbq and music stories and tears. It was the first birthday he would not be celebrating of his own. He would have been 39 years old yesterday. Oh how i mis him. We went to his work at the restuarant the was more like his first home since he spent so much time there walking into the grill made me choke up just smelling like he smelled it almost made me dizzy. Not seeing him inside that kitchen like i almost actually expected him to be standing over the grill hollering out at one of the waitresses.lol.awww. My family all knew and all expected us to have a bday party for him still even though he wasnt still here with us physically. I wish everyday was like yesterday filled with memories of him and everyone talking and thinking about him. It was good cause my daughter is only 4 and i worry she will not have many memories she truely can remember.it makes me sad but glad we celebrated.so you celebrate your loved one any day u feel.good thoughts being sent to you and yours

  • commented on Hard Day 2019-08-28 02:16:49 -0700
    Mari Posa. Butterfly in spanish right? Delicate and beautiful come to mind when i read that name just like a butterfly. Your word truely resinate and embody mostly my every day right now. Rough day, bad day, hard day. Its seems like thats my everyday as of right now . its been a lil over two months since the tragic sudden loss of my husband age 39. i feel like i miss him more with every day that passes because its been one day more since i had seen him. My kids are 9 ricky and 4 ruby. I find myself going to the garage to cry alone away from the kids cause i feel like they feel sorry that i.m so sad. Its horrible most the time i cry because of what my husband is missing or what my kids have lost. I have so many fears but most of all that i even my best me will never truely be enough without my husband for my kids.rough day bad day hard day. They are all i. Have since that day.my poor kids. As you said my heart is broken for my husband and my broken heart aches for my kids.

The worse day of my life was this year on fathers day. My Husband drowned why did it have to be fathers day 2019; while he saved our son 9 yrs & our daughter 4 yrs while we were camp vacationing the same place we did every year for the past 10 yrs he
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