Remembering Barely~

I wrote this on a night when the moon blazed so brightly in the sky...

"I remember, barely now, because it's been so long, the feel of my hand in Chuck's. His hand so strong and firm around mine. His hand gave me a feeling of comfort, of protection, of belonging... a sense of order in my Universe.

As the nights grow colder now, as the moon shimmers so very brightly above my upraised face, i remember, sometimes barely now, because it's been so very long, the strength of Chuck's arms around me from behind, as we stared up at this same moon, marveling at the beauty of it, transfixed by its' distance from us, and the might of the Universe around us...

I remember, but softly and uncertainly now, because it's been so very long. It is all memory now, and Chuck seems so far distant from where I am now, in a way that saddens my heart and causes despair in my soul. As if the tether that bound us together for so long snapped, and he drifted away into space, never to be seen again.

I know that his Love is with me still. I know that my Love for him has only grown, as it would have if he were still here with me. Alive.

And I know that this isn't enough, but must be enough, lest my sanity take flight and disappear in the same way that he did in that long ago time of only yesterday.

So I look at that far away golden orb hight above me, as it was above us, though I remember barely now, and I wonder...

Do you see me? Do you know of my longing as I wander into long ago memories? Were you really here with me at one time in the hugeness of this space? Did we really exist as two?

And where are you now?"

A friend of Chuck's, who reached out to me after his death, who is a friend, now, of mine, responded to my post with this...

"I know, because Chuck told me, how he loved you. He felt he must have done something right along his complicated life for God to allow your paths to cross. I always thought it corny for anyone to say that they cherished someone. But Chuck cherished everything about your life together. 

Alison, I know the fading memories of the feelings of his touch disturb you. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that chuck is nearer than you think. And as some memories fade, other memories will come to you, like the whisper of his kiss on your cheek. 

You will see the twinkle of his eyes at sunrise and sunset. You will swear you hear him calling your name. Don't think yourself crazy. His words of Love will ride on the breeze. When the darkness threatens to overcome you...whisper his name. He will hear you and you will feel his hugs in your dreams.

I wish you peace, my friend. My prayers follow your journey of Love. You know he left you a roadmap. Just know in your heart that he hasn't forgotten how to navigate!"

I don't think I can add anything more to these compassionate, beautiful, words~

 

 


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  • Mary Ann Buxton Simpson
    commented 2018-11-29 07:30:12 -0800
    Alison, I always feel like you are echoing how I feel in your posts. This post though particularly resonates in my heart. I am feeling further and further from the man I loved with all my heart and soul. I wonder if he still knows how much Iove and miss him.wishing you peace and beautiful memories. Mary Ann
  • Mary Ann Buxton Simpson
    followed this page 2018-11-29 07:25:32 -0800