Grief. Love. Magic. A new road. A new life~

September and Remembering

My body felt September 11 approaching, even before my mind became aware of it.

This morning, September 11, I woke up and could feel the nerves edging along my skin. The feeling only intensified as I watched snippets of remembrances on TV.

Why, you might ask, would I put myself through watching something more when my heart was already hurting?

To bear witness, quite simply. It’s my tribute to those who died on that day, 17 years ago. If they could bear to go through what they went through, I can bear to watch it and honor them.

This day of remembrance is a day that hits so hard, personally. Nobody I know died that day, but Chuck and I were living in south Jersey, just a little over an hour away from NYC. He was working at McGuire AFB and, as I watched the news, it seemed as if the base might be another target. Nobody was allowed on or off the base and no phone calls, so I couldn’t reach him.

He finally walked in the door around midnight.

My sense of safety in the world, since Chuck died, is gone.

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Just me, trying to figure this shit out, after the firestorm of my beloved husband's death~
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