Grief. Love. Magic. A new road. A new life~

AND. Not Or~

We all know the power of words, especially in widowhood.

Words stream at us in loving support, with awkwardness, clumsy grace, and, unfortunately, in judgement.

We hear these words and phrases and they make us stronger or they make us want to hide.

We begin, as time passes, to hide ourselves. To isolate ourselves.

We present artificial selves to protect ourselves from judgements and maintain our daily lives, while our hearts and souls go underground.

Early on, in what I will presume was good intent, a friend told me to just fake it til you make it.

Instinctively, I knew that wasn’t an option for me. It felt like an unhealthy response to a genuinely traumatizing event.

As these few years have passed, I’ve spoken about life without my beloved husband, and the struggles of widowhood, in as real and authentic a way as possible.

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Let the moments stop. Let them stay where they are.

Let them take me back in time.

Let them morph into the unknown future.

Let me be present.

Let me disappear.

Let me be numb.

Let my emotions riot my heart.

Let shock quiet my system.

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Just me, trying to figure this shit out, after the firestorm of my beloved husband's death~
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