Grief. Love. Magic. A new road. A new life~

What Remains, In This After of You

A trifold flag, presented to me at your memorial service.

Where are you, my beloved?

ID tags that hang over my bed or around my neck.

Where are you, my beloved?

3 children you raised with me, though they weren’t of your blood.

Where are you, my beloved?

A grandson who would tower over you in height, and who reminds me of you each time I see a picture of him.

Where are you, my beloved?

A son who lives your example of a life of service.

Where are you, my beloved?

Another son who loves science and philosophy, who holds your strong belief in family.

Where are you, my beloved?

A daughter who gently and quietly offers Love to those around her.

Where are you, my beloved?

The thoughts I have, the words I use to explain them, remembered from you.

Where are you, my beloved?

The simple tasks of daily life…putting gas in my car, walking for exercise, paying bills.

Where are you, my beloved?

The open road in front of my car, looking West, steering me into this new life.

Where are you, my beloved?

Read more
2 reactions Share

Love, On This Odyssey of Love

Perhaps one of the most helpful things I’ve learned in a little over 5 years of widowhood is this…

I don’t have to be anything different, feel anything different, aspire to anything different…before going and doing whatever it is that I feel I must do to live this life without Chuck.

I don’t have to have hope. I don’t even know what that looks or feels like.

I don’t have to have faith.  Seriously, I have no clue what faith is, especially as related to religion. Which I shed many years ago in any case, with no interest in returning to.

I don’t have to have confidence. Mostly, since Chuck died, the road I’m on diverges and changes at any given moment. I’m living a life completely removed from the life he and I lived, even as we spent our last 4 years living full time on the road. I started out on my own not having a clue, and, though I believe I present a fully confident face to the world, each day is another day of figuring it all out. Even if I have some of the technical stuff figured out, about living in a trailer, the emotional components leave me, often, wandering in circles.

I don’t need to feel any of these to do what I’m doing.

Then what do I need? What does get me through each day and each night?

I get that question a LOT.

It’s quite simple, at least to me.

Love.

Read more
Add your reaction Share

Just me, trying to figure this shit out, after the firestorm of my beloved husband's death~
Donate Volunteer Membership