Alison L Miller commented on Current State...Confusion~ 2020-01-12 17:56:02 -0800Sharon Moriarty, I had to take a minute to read twice what you wrote, and just want to say…well, bless your heart. Your response to my WV blog says more about your lack of understanding of what is normal in grief, and what is normal in life, in that we, as humans, carry many dual and complex feelings and emotions, and god has nothing to do with it. I’m glad you find comfort in your thinking. Possibly you can also give empathy and compassion a try~
Alison L Miller commented on Surviving Christmas 2018-12-06 17:11:07 -0800Amanda, from one widow to another…thank you for this. Thank you for affirming for me, as I grab my way through the damn holiday, that I’m not weird or insane. I KNOW that, but it’s always good to see that, well, if I am, so are so many others. That there is a boatload of my community navigating this same ocean. If I’m crazy, there’s a whole lot of crazy people in the boat with me. No explanations necessary, no excuses…just acceptance. May your holidays be…gotten through…nothin’ but Love, Alison
@LovePinkMagic tweeted link to #givingtuesday. 2018-11-27 19:49:59 -0800I ust made a donation to my life saving Soaring Spirits International, in memory of my beloved husband, Chuck Dearing~ https://www.soaringspirits.org/memory-tile?recruiter_id=39352
For #givingtuesday Soaring Spirits is honoring every donation made in support of our research-based, hopeful programs by creating a custom memory tile as a thank you for every #givingtuesday donation!
How it works:
- Make a donation for #givingtuesday by using the link below.
- Forward your donation confirmation to firstname.lastname@example.org and attach a jpeg or png photo file of the person you’d like to remember. Copy and paste the following information into your email:
The name of the person you’d like to remember:
Your relationship to the remembered person:
Text describing the memory you’d like to include with your photo:
- Check any Soaring Spirits social media feed to collect your tile!
- Share your photo and tag anyone with whom you’d like to share your memory or any person you’d love to create a memory tile with their own memories either or your loved one or someone else they’d like to honor!
Soaring Spirits programs have experienced a 30% growth this year and we think this is just the beginning of serving an increasing number of widowed people every year. Your donation of any amount will help us reach our goal of raising $30,000 this year in support of our 30% growth. Every dollar counts and every donation will be honored with a shared memory! What a beautiful way to make a difference as we also honor the endless nature of love.Donate
- Make a donation for #givingtuesday by using the link below.
Alison L Miller commented on Widow's Roast 2018-08-28 16:12:54 -0700Mike…the real MIKE…I just love you for this. All of it. Because humor is a saving grace. Dark humor, even better. It’s sanity saving. Also, not only will my traveling not stop anytime soon, but it’s going to get even bigger in the next year. So…..
You da bomb, in any case. Can I say that still, or does it date me?
Alison L Miller commented on Reality 2017-11-18 18:04:50 -0800I wonder the same for myself, Gabe. Four years and seven months out, and I feel so damn empty. And I’m just tired. Empty and tired. I push my boundaries and comfort zones and I talk to people and do all kinds of stuff…and I feel empty, where Chuck once was, and I don’t know if that will ever change. I get it, totally. I understand. And it eases my mind to know I’m not crazy. Or, if I am, I’m in good company. Nothin’ but Love to you, from another WV writer~
Alison L Miller commented on Pre-survivor's Guilt 2017-04-18 20:33:35 -0700Your words tear through my heart, Mike, and I get your anxiety. These times of our lives where we need to be two places at once, and can be only one place. I hope your dad holds steady while you and Sarah are gone-I know that this is so important~and I know you’re torn. No great words of wisdom to offer to you, just all the Love in the world to you and Sarah and Shelby and your folks~
Alison L Miller commented on A Light In the Dark - My Tribute to Soaring Spirits International 2016-05-27 19:01:10 -0700Kelley…I cried reading this. And I’ll read it again, and share it, and cry again. Because yes, I was met, you were met, we are all met, exactly where we fucking are, and that is the most beautiful thing of all. Here’s to Soaring Spirits, and Michele and all of my widow brothers and sisters…every fucking one of us…standing together, wherever and everywhere we are~
Alison L Miller commented on Free To Be Me 2016-03-18 15:05:40 -0700Sing it loud, Kelley! My sister, bless her heart…who has been wonderful and supportive and so many things, says to me every so often, when I speak of getting more involved with my widowed community, that I need to get away from the grief, find something not connected to it. As if there is anything I can do henceforth that will not be somehow shaded by Chuck’s absence, or the grief connected to his absence. I too, need my widow sisters and brothers because I don’t have to say a damn thing in explanation or defense, and for that, I am beyond grateful. And grateful, too, that I can come to this site and read what my tribe is writing and what is going on with them and feel more normal than ever. Thank you for this~
Alison L Miller commented on Entering the Cave of Fears 2016-01-11 19:23:22 -0800Sarah, Sarah, Sarah….I think and you write exactly what I’m thinking and eloquently state exactly where I am right now, with life, with this grief. I know, when I slow down my head, that I’m in the midst, have been in the midst, of creating something…I know not what yet…but something, since Chuck died and I went on the road. I’m building a foundation for something, but in the meanwhile, mostly I too feel as if I’m just doing hit or miss and I’m trying to feel passionate about something but don’t feel passionate about anything other than staying on the road. I, too, like you and so many other widows, must find a way to be financially secure, and I will somehow, and I know it has to have something to do with this experience because after this experience, after living on the road for almost 7 years, how can I bear to return to an average, normal, life? Reading your blog this week was opportune for me, widow sister, and I thank you for writing it. I’ve been getting myself crazy with stuff and this offered me some reassurance~
Alison L Miller donated 2019-12-05 20:05:05 -0800
Alison L Miller commented on Echo 2015-11-19 21:40:28 -0800Oh, God, Kelley-yes, yes, yes, to all of this! Chuck was very much my person who helped me make any kind of sense on a daily basis, never mind when the world was falling to shit. He was active duty during the First Gulf War, and civil service on 9/11, working at McGuire AFB in Jersey and I didn’t see him much during those times since he had to be at work, but I knew he was near, and the minute he put his arms around me, I was always ok. My heart goes out to you, it breaks for all of us who have to deal with the shattered silence of missing-ness. Nothing replaces the voice of our someone special, the one who made us feel special on a daily basis. Thank you for your words, for writing what is in my heart, for just being present, so that I know that there is another widow somewhere out there, who knows this agony. May you be blessed, always~
Alison L Miller commented on Happy for You, In Pain for Me 2015-08-07 19:10:39 -0700Kelley, once again, you’ve written letters into words and words into sentences that brought me directly into the moments with you.
Death is so hard. And life after death is, yes, harder still.
I’m so glad you write for you, and for me and for the great big “us” that is out there in this widowed world.
Because your words help me feel, not less alone, but “with” others. And that matters~
Alison L Miller commented on Grieving the Grief Years 2015-08-04 16:00:21 -0700Oh, Jeez, Sarah, you nailed it down hard with this. I’m not where you are, really, but I’ve had the thought in my head that at some point even these deeply grieving years will be behind me and I panic because does that mean that Chuck will truly be just a memory in my past and that sends me into such panic that I have to stop thinking at all.
These couple years since his death have been…continue to be…devastating and horrifying and your blog makes me wonder at how it’s possible to miss them but I expect I will. Because, as you say, these are sacred times…
Alison L Miller commented on Dying 2015-07-17 17:23:12 -0700I swear, Kelley, that grief is really nothing more than complete insanity, don’t you think? Or at least, we end up feeling like we’re insane. I so get what you’re saying, about the anxiety, the wild imaginings, all of it. The first time I went to the gyn after Chuck died, she walked in the room and asked how I was doing and I went into meltdown. I don’t know how we get through this with any sense of normalcy left. The smallest things can loom so largely in our minds. Panic attacks were a regularly scheduled event in the first year and so after Chuck’s death, and I’ve been getting them again lately, so I carry my homeopathic remedies for grief/trauma with me. (on a side note that I just thought about, it’s weird but I find it strangely soothing to be able to take a remedy that is for trauma. Somehow it helps me not feel like I’m imagining all of this).
Anyways, girl, I’m out here in this world and I read what you write and I know you’re there, and I’m standing with you and somehow we’ll all get the fuck through this clusterfuck. (on another side note, that’s one of my favorite military terms that Chuck taught me).
Sending love to you always,
Alison L Miller commented on Hey Bud 2015-07-07 15:04:20 -0700Jesus almighty, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. Like Kelly, I’m a puddle of tears. I can only hope I find someone wonderful like you someday, who will love that I’m Chuck’s widow, who will find a place in his heart for the man I love still, even as I love him. Bless you both in this next part of your lives. Your story here is the first thing that’s given me hope since Chuck’s death~
Grief. Love. Magic. A new road. A new life~
I spent last weekend, starting on Thursday, at a rally for people who own T@b trailers, as I do.
My little rig has been my home on the road in the years since Chuck's death.
It's tiny in every way, but still has a surprising amount of room inside of it, for me and for storage.
I'm 5'1 and it gives me a little bit of clearance over my head.
I can take a few steps to each side.
It's all the space I'm interested in having.
Large spaces, such as are to be found in an apartment or a house, overwhelm me since Chuck's death.Read more
I thought of you last night.
One night among all the thousands of nights that have passed since your hand last grasped mine,
As we lay next to each other in the dark.
I thought of your breath
Your arms braced
As you raised yourself above me,
The passion in your eyes
A mere reflection of mine.
Our bodies sweaty and slick
As we moved this way and that,
Our combined breaths raspy and raw.Read more