My Compass~

This poem pretty much nails it for me, what it is...this missing-ness.

I wonder if this...the feelings conveyed in the poem, ever really go away.

Will there be a time when I don’t feel this weight?  Will I ever feel joyous again? Will I ever have any sense of who I am again?

Because for 24 years I felt these things and I loved who I was.  So, I wonder...will I ever have a sense of self again, a sense of my place in this world?  

I don’t pretend to know.  All I do know is that, tonight, this poem by W. H. Auden, expresses what I want to say to the world at large, even into my 3rd year.  Chuck was, indeed, my north, my south, my east and west...

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.


Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.


He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last for ever:

I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now:

put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

For nothing now can ever come to any good.


Showing 3 reactions

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  • Eva Victorian
    commented 2015-09-17 23:37:47 -0700
    Beautiful indeed. So descriptive of what I’m feeling after my loss only 18 months ago. My beloved was all that and more. I questioned only an hour prior to reading this, whether or not time diminished some of the pain.
  • Kristen Mayo-Machado
    commented 2015-09-16 10:38:23 -0700
    It’s been two years and I feel up until now I have put up a good fight…put on a good show. I have mourned hard and deep, having witnessed my husband drown as well as a girlfriend of mine. I came very close yet somehow didn’t. And now I think I am beginning to mourn the loss of me, the happy go lucky girl from before this horrible tragedy. I feel like there will never be a time where any good will ever come again.
  • Andrea Hall
    commented 2015-09-16 05:45:27 -0700
    Deeply Heartfelt.

    I just lost my soul mate three months ago to a very horrible death. Cancer just ate him alive and I can’t seem to get my head on straight. This poem just about sums it all up.