Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing moms out there. Especially the ones who are doing it solo. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. Being a mom is something I always wanted and I love my children. I love having a big family. But it's definitely not something I wanted to do alone. Now I'm mom and dad. I'm working two jobs and going back to school. While raising four kids. And I am blessed to have them. But when you do it alone it becomes way more stressful than you ever thought possible. I look up to you all who have been doing it longer than I have and give me the courage to know it's possible to make it. It's possible to still give your children a wonderful life.
I choose to not celebrate Mother's Day. I should probably embrace it and be grateful for all the loving words and small gifts but two years ago on Mother's Day I had to sit my children down and tell them their daddy was dead. It's a day I will never forget. My youngest boys didn't understand, my oldest understood all to well. And my daughter I will never forget that pain that in a second of being told her daddy was gone, arose on her beautiful face. She cried and told me that when he left Saturday night he told her he was never coming back. She cried and said please daddy come home, he laughed and said calm down I'll send you presents. And she looked at him and said no all I want is you.
She immediately remembered this conversation when I told her the news. Four years old and such an old soul. No child should experience that kind of pain. Children believe we live forever and they deserve that kind of innocence. But sometimes we don't get what we deserve in this life.
I hope one day I will stop being stubborn and enjoy this holiday again but for now I'm good ignoring it.