Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Halfway There 2016-10-19 18:20:37 -0700Hi Mike…really enjoyed this post…I can appreciate your thoughts and feelings….Since I am now remarried, 6 months now, I have thought that I have cheated my now husband of my younger me, my more thin and fit me, my more innocent me.
Then, I got to thinking about the fact that my now husband fell in love with the NOW me and not the used to be me which was the younger version, the pre-life can be shitty me, the pre-widowed me….
And I fell in love with his NOW him…..
I doubt if either of us, if we would have met when we were the used to be individuals, would have fell in love and wanting to build a life together…
Today, we are holding on tight…enjoying the ride and the life..and feel very grateful for it all.
Just go with it and enjoy it all…
Linda Keeling (Tevebaugh)
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Because of the Love that came Before 2016-10-09 17:35:04 -0700Sorry..pushed post comment by accident….
Like I was saying, this so beautiful….I lost my John about 4-1/2 years ago….I just remarried about 6 months ago…..and our story is all about the love of our gone persons connecting us together.
I actually met my now husband, Warner, 9 years ago, at new bible study group being started by the pastor who married us…just a few short weeks after getting married.
Warner was there with his lovely wife, Judi…….
Our group became very close and each of us became friends. As time went by, and as one or the other of us went through troubles, we were there for each other. The loss of my John was the biggest heartache our group faced together…..each couple and individual of that couple, were there with me every step of the way…they held me when i could not stop crying…when I said I was mad at God and did not think I could believe in him anymore…and Warner and his wife, Judi, were right there too…..Judi, who had been battling a lifelong battle with diabetes, was right there too, talking about her faith and understanding she was not going to live a long life….and she loved John….and her heart broke for him, me and us.
Then, 18 months later, Judi died unexpectantly….Once again our group held Warner up….while they were still helping me stand on my wobbly legs.
Then months later, we found Warner in despair…..we reached out to him…and gave him the support he needed. At that time, he and I really connected because he knew I got it….so we would talk often on the phone and meet up every once in awhile for lunch or dinner and maybe a common interest of a movie.
It was a few months later that we admitted how much we enjoyed each other’s company, how much we had in common..etc….and Warner asked if we could date.
I was not sure since he was still fairly fresh in his grief…I was 18 months ahead…..after we talked everything out, we decided to officially start dating….15 months later we got engaged…and 6 months later we got married.
We have often and still do, talk about how the loss of our loves brought us together..and how John and Judi are very much a part of our love, etc….
Hearing others stories is so uplifting and heartwarming…
Thanks for sharing this one.
P.S. And we live near Akron, OH…in Wadsworth…..
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on We Grew a Family 2016-10-07 18:27:17 -0700Kelley….what a wonderful post….what a happy occasion too…..and how exciting to have 3 of my favorite writers so close to me…
I now live in Wadsworth, OH…..just 20 minutes from Akron…where I have moved to about 6 months ago after I married my chapter 2….
We are a little older than each of you…..I am 62 and my new husband is 73…..we fell in love and after what we both had been through in losing our persons, 3 to 4 years ago, perspectively, we decided to just go for it….and started another life together…
We are so happy….and living life to the fullest….
Have fun tomorrow…enjoy…and hi to each of you….
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Stepping out of the Vacuum 2016-10-04 19:58:44 -0700I can so relate to this….the struggle of finding a new community of support after loss…and now that I am remarried being still welcomed by that same community…no so much anymore…..
And my friends, why do they think since I am remarried I don’t want to be with them…yes, I may not be able to do it as often or stay up all night talking…but I am there and need them very much….
Regarding change…that is so hard…and your move from Texas was a big one….when I was younger I did the opposite…moved from Ohio to Texas…oh my culture shock!!!
I am now back in Ohio however with a new move to a new town and a different house and not having the comforts of what home was the last 29 years….it is a culture shock yet again….
Really enjoy your writings……you seem to be moving in the right direction in finding your community connection.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on He Was My Addiction 2016-10-04 19:51:07 -0700Kaiti…what a beautiful love story..what a beautiful soul of a man you had…you have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of…..So sorry for the additional pain caused by others and their narrow-mindedness…..Peace….
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Reconnecting to Magic 2016-10-04 19:48:10 -0700I love the idea of celebration in a Day of the Dead……something to think about to do on our own in our own way…thanks for sharing.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Smile, even when it's hard 2016-10-04 19:45:58 -0700Let’s try this again..I love your description of the two options….and I finally decided on option 2…to live life as that I felt that was what needed to be done in honor of my John…because he wanted to LIVE!!! and was not given that chance…and here I have been given that chance…so far I have been able to live 6 years longer…to live in the blessing of life….oh how he wanted to do that.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Plastic Guitars 2016-10-04 19:39:50 -0700Hi Mike……like you I have had several triggers like what you so eloquently described and I have decided they will always be there forever until I die…..they happen further between and might not be as intense…but are always unpredictable….thanks for sharing.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Walking Collages 2016-09-29 18:34:19 -0700I like the idea of the collage….i too can look at my pictures and get comfort and smiles…..though i am enjoying my life now…with a remarriage..different addrees…etc…this missingness is always there and will be….thanks for sharing…
I truly love your posts…Best wishes in the new job🤞
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Day-to-Day 2016-09-28 18:46:31 -0700Mike….I can relate to what you have written…..My John has been gone almost 4-1/2 years….the first 18 months were my deepest grief months….I constantly thought of John and was constantly asking the why quesion..and wondered how I was to even begin to re-create my living life…..
Then I started thinking about how much my John wanted to live….he wanted to dance….one more time….he wanted one more bowling game….he wanted to watch one more football game…he wanted to make love one more time…he wanted to breathe with ease…..one more time…..
So I started thinking about how I have been given the chance to dance, to bowl, to watch football, to make love, if given the chance, and to breathe and to breathe and to breathe…..and I was wasting it all in my sorrow and my whys that never ever can be answered…..I was not LIVING life….something given to me so abundantly and not taking it…yet something my John was denied, and he fought so hard to hang onto.cu
After this epiphany, I decided to start living life…..by being grateful for it….by experiencing different things….enjoying waking up to life…..and this led to a remarriage and a whole other different life…yet….I truly would have been just has fulfilled and living life if I had not met my now husband….it just so happened I was lead to another love…..
I still have my grief days….my triggers….my missingness of my life with John…I still shed tears….but in his honor I am living life….because he was not given the chance to do so.
Thanks for your writings….they are much appreciated.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on A Path Built on Love 2016-09-09 18:39:42 -0700Kelley…wow!!!!! this all makes so much sense…..i have always said that if a plan simply falls into place then it was meant to be…..What a wonderful wonderful gift your parents are giving you….just the thought of having that scantuary of peace…tranquility…an opportunity to hear yourself think……
You have said you felt that 2016 is a year of change…..this is only the beginning…Chicago and Florida…2 of my favorite places…..however, if you have a chance to be near the ocean…I would have to say yes to that…
Keep us posted….love your writing.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Parenting and Grieving, How the Hell? 2016-08-17 20:34:57 -0700I wanted to love my SIX stepdaughters and really really tried….we came close…or so I thought…yet they NEVER accepted me and when their dad died, unexpectantly, all hell broke loose…..
I agree with Julene…it takes time…..for me the kids were from the ages 6 to 27(my late husband became a father very young and also late in life)….it was easier with the younger ones…however, their mother, did not want the kids to have a good relationship with their father let alone me….so that did not help.
I recently remarried…I am older now….all kids are grown…..I truly care about my now husband’s grown children….his late wife was their first stepmother and they had a very good relationship with her…..and they are very respectful to me….
Over time, I think we will get closer….yet I do not expect a parent/ adult child relationship….
On the other hand, my own sons learned to like my late husband…..I can not say they loved him…..I think he, in turned, cared alot for them…but probably not love….and I can say the same for my current husband…My sons really like him….and he really likes them….and they get along …..it might get even better over time…..yet I am okay with how things are now.
So hang in there…and don’t beat yourself up too much…..you are doing great!!
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Scheduled Grief 2016-08-17 20:20:34 -0700Mike…I too feel like you described….then I feel guilty…then feel guilty feeling guilty….I have learned that it is okay to be okay….thanks for sharing…Linda
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Death and Friendships (not) 2016-08-17 20:18:39 -0700You are definitely stronger….this “friend” needed the boot…Good for you……You owe no explaining for it…yet so glad you shared since there are many of us who have done this too or need too…
Thanks for sharing
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on That Door 2016-08-13 19:07:11 -0700Hi Stephanie…just wanted to say that I know how you feel since I have spent my summer doing what you are doing little by little, as you are waiting to find out if you have to move or not.
I recently remarried and have moved out of my home I had for the last 25 years……as a result, I had to go through EVERYTHING…..all the kid stuff, what was left of the ex-husband’s stuff, and the hardest, next to the kid stuff, my John’s stuff….though married only 5 years before he died unexpectantly…he borught with him to my home all of his stuff from a 25 year marriage that also had ended in divorce……some of his stuff I never saw before…was part of a life long before me….yet to go through those things were painful…because it showed parts of him I wish I had known….and yet sad to look back on the past of someone you loved and had a great marriage with and a start of another life with….and it is all gone…the past…the present …and the future.
I, like you, was very careful what I did with the most precious of John’s things….things were given to special people, his cherished charities, and special places …I did not sell anything that was his…..I wanted no financial gain from any of his stuff…..
It was all so emotionally draining….
And it was a similar thing going through my kids things…yet at a different level….what a shock to learn that my kids….27 and 30…sons…wanted nothing of their childhood….so I kept what I thought was the most heartfelt and plan to come up with a combination of a scrapbook/memory box kind of thing for each of them they may want later….with some other things that might be nice to have when they get married…..all of this was exhausting….I, too, did the garage sale thing…the donation centers…..the recycling system….and the giving away…..and then the actual throwing out in the trash stuff.
Now, I am trying to make my new home, that my widowered husband shared with his late wife…and making it OUR own…yet trying to incooperate the blend of our stuff…both of which includes items from both of our late spouses….
Whew!!!!! It has been alot…..
So…I so get it …in the words you shared…along with your heart….thanks for it all…..
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Our Day 2016-08-09 18:41:44 -0700Mike…I can so relate to this….August 11th would have been our 9th wedding anniversary…My John has been gone 4 years this May 8th….I remarried this past April and madly in love with my new husband…..
I know no one will remember the 11th and most would be surprised that I feel the way I do, because I have remarried and have a different life.
Yet I am mourning not having a real 9th anniversary….and the loss of the life that I once shared…..it was a great life and it would have only gotten better…
My now different life is wonderful….and I am looking forward to the life we will build together….
I feel that the anniversary that we share with our deceased spouses is the harder one to handle…..my new husband is a widower and he feels the same way.
So I am bearing ahead for the 11th…will do something special…not sure what..
and remember when….
Thanks for sharing your raw and true emotions….take care
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on My Goodbye Post 2016-07-30 06:48:21 -0700Rebecca… Though I didn’t respond much, I have always looked forward to Saturday. I will miss you very much…. I read your blogs through tears as you struggled with Dan’s death by suicide…as my father died by suicide when I was 18 … I struggled much like you and have spent a good deal of my life…(I am now 62) teaching about depression as an illness and how it is just like every serious illnesses with fatal outcomes possible… And I’ve studied much about the suicidal mindset in trying to understand what must have been going through my father’s….he was only 50…and was so smart and had a lot going for him….
I found this blog after my John died 4 years ago from complications of a bone marrow transplant ..and I fell in love with it….what a Godsend it has been and still is for me… Though I have just remarried…. moved….etc.
My new husband was a widower and I have shared writings, including yours, with him and he gets a lot out of them too.
I have shared this site with so many… especially new widows/widowers
I have been excited to read about your new man in your life… your renting your shared home with Dan….(I have done the same) and moving to the city…
I hope and pray for all the good things life has to offer to come your way.
Thank you for your story…your sharing… your talent.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on It Could be Worse 2016-07-28 14:33:36 -0700Mike… Sometimes it piles up…. Taking it nice and slow I found works best for me.
Just finished packing up my house of 25 years… EVERYTHING I touched required a decision…keep…donate…trash… sell….
Finding things of John’s I did know know was there was excruciating… Going through his stuff I had sorted through earlier had to be re-evaluated….again.
Going through my grown sons’ baby… toddler….teenage stuff… Etc… Brought many many tears….what to do with stuff no one wants and you have no room for it?
I was very careful and deliberate in all I did…..
After it was over…. It was freeing… Now I am trying to blend my life with my new husband who is a widow and trying to make their home our home.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on On the Edge of Change Again 2016-07-17 17:46:23 -0700Sarah… I can so relate to this post… In the last three months I decided to remarry… Put my house up for rent, the one my late husband and I were working so hard to update… And move to another town not too far away, but still a different place… Living in the home my now husband shared with his late wife…. All the feelings that you put in writing I have felt… And I’ve had to push aside all the doubt and fear of being left behind… Especially since my new husband is 11 years older than me… (my late husband was just a little younger than me…. ironic, isn’t it ?) However we decided to seize the moment and go ahead and live our lives and take whatever comes at us … There have been no regrets….however living in a different place, different from where I have lived my entire life… has had its challenges… But as far as the relationship and being together, absolutely no second thoughts…
Packing up my home of 25 years was heart wrenching on soo many levels…..yet very freeing at the same time….We are now busy trying to make what was their home our home… Yet still honoring the memory of our late spouses… And allowing our grief journey to continue for each of them… I feel that your move will go better than you think it will… And I’m glad that you decided to just live your life.
Linda Tevebaugh Keeling commented on Thankful for the Progress 2016-07-16 07:23:56 -0700I know what you mean, Rebecca… I have remarried…moved… Etc…. It’s been 4 years since my beloved Kohn passed…
I will always grieve for him… I think of him EVERYDAY…
Most days it is ok… Other days I am shedding tears….Yet I have a wonderful husband who is a widow….I love him with my all…I am very happy…
Trying to put this all together and all the many facets of it can be overwhelming….