.... way too quickly sometimes. Or is it just mine?
I doubt that ..... look who I'm writing to. We ALL know that life went rushing by too fast.
But my life as been so hectic in the last day or so, that not only did I not write on my own blog yesterday, I forgot to write my post for this blog!!!
So, here it is.
Another wave this week .... but one I'm dealing with pretty well, all things considered.
I think I lost a friend this week.
Or, if I didn't lose her completely, I lost the kind of friend that she was. Which, I suppose is only fair, since she lost the kind of friend I was back in December of 2007.
This friend does not like the way I am healing.
She does not agree with my choices.
She is upset with me.
Might I add ..... she's never been a widow.
This has caused me a lot of pain and sorrow over the past few months. A lot.
And the other night it came to a head.
And I cried. And felt so much hurt and sadness.
But the next morning .... I suddenly didn't.
Because I knew that there's nothing I can do to change her mind. I cannot force her to walk this road with me, growing as I grow ...... not as she wants me to grow, but just as I grow .... and heal.
And so I did the only thing I could ....... I slowly, very, very slowly ..... let go.
I cannot put myself out there for more pain and sorrow just because I cannot meet someone's expectations and needs.
It's physically and emotionally impossible for me to take on someone else's needs at the moment. I'm doing the best with my 6 kids' ..... and sometimes mine.
And .... the funny thing (if there IS a funny thing in all of this) is ...... I think I'm doing OK.
I can see that I'm healing. I can see that I'm making progress .... sometimes one wave at a time. But there are days when there are no waves. I love those days and I stop to enjoy them and do not take them for granted.
So, while I hope that this friendship can one day be mended ..... I know it cannot until she can learn to accept my healing and growth as I accept it. As a blessing, and as a slow progress (and sometimes a quick recession). But it's mine and I'm doing the best that I can.
After all ...... I didn't get the instruction book on how to deal with the death of the most important person in my life.