Letters from Home

magnets.jpgMy husband and I used to have those silly magnetic letters on our kitchen refrigerator back in our New Jersey apartment, and we would leave each other cute and often ridiculous or random messages on the fridge like: "I love you Boo", or "Yankees won", or "UR cute." One of his favorite things to spell out for me in colored letters was "Don 'N Kelley" or sometimes "Don Wuvs Kelley." He could be syrupy sweet to the point of nauseating, at times, because he knew I would be rolling my eyes at the gag-inducing baby-talk and he loved to annoy me. So it was sort of his way of being sarcastically romantic.

Fast-forward to 8 months ago, when I moved out of one apartment in Queens, New York after my roommate kicked me out, and moved into another apartment in Queens, New York after finding another roommate. I walked over to the 99 cent store and got 2 packs of the magnetic letters, because spelling out little messages makes me oddly happy somehow, even though it also makes me really sad. It is the "familiar" and the "routine" of doing something and having something that we had together, and now continuing it alone.

Yesterday morning, I woke up super early to go teach a full day of theater and comedy courses at the university I work at. As I was getting ready in my room and making the bed, I noticed the letter D was IN my bed. It had to have been there the whole night, but I didn't feel it or notice it at all. I brought the D into the kitchen and told my roommate that the letter D followed me into my room, apparently. She laughed and said that she was looking for the D last night so she could spell out "DIRTY" on the dishwasher, which we often do to tell the other person if said dishes inside are clean or dirty.

Later on, after returning home from my work day, I went into my room to get some things, and my kitty Sammy meowed loudly while rubbing himself against the blanket on my bed. He rolled himself over, and then over again, and underneath him, sort of hidden in the folds of a blanket - was the letter K. I'm a little slow, but I was starting to understand now. D + K = Don and Kelley. Okay, very weird. For ONE letter to end up in my bed is strange, but two? And they are the first letters of our names? Sure, the letters maybe came off the fridge somehow and stuck to me or my clothing and followed me into the bedroom. But that has never happened before, not even once, and now it was happening two different times, seperately? That seems impossible.

 Plus, I've been incredibly stressed out and sad and missing Don much lately, and he seems to come and comfort me somehow whenever I feel that way. Apparently, he really wanted me to spell out his favorite message from our old days back in that New Jersey apartment. So I did. I went over to the refrigerator, took the D and the K, and used them to complete the spelling of "Don N Kelley." And when I finished, I stood there and stared at it, like it was some genius work of art. There was a weird little smile on my face, and I felt my husband near.

I do believe in signs. I mean, I have FELT his presence here with me sometimes, and there is no questioning what it is, and I just know. But normally, he doesn't send me things like songs or feathers or coins or ANYTHING LIKE THAT. That is not usually his style. He likes to give me much bigger things. Things that will help me in my life - like an amazing grief-counselor, for example. But today, he must have been missing me in the same way that I always miss him. He must have sensed that I needed to feel a piece of the familiar - a tiny piece of home. Either that, or he just really wanted to annoy me by being syrupy sweet, while at the same time, saying: "Jeez Boo, I sent you a D and a K. How much more obvious can I be? Do I have to spell it out for you?"

No, Boo. Go off and do your spirit things. Go do whatever it is you spirit and soul types do out there in the atmosphere. Swing from a star, or have lunch with a comet. I can take it from here ..........

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