Laren Tolbert

  • commented on I'm still your Girl 2019-02-13 10:49:07 -0800
    This so meaningful. It’s been just over a year for me, a time when I thought I would be moving on. But Barbara is still with me every day. I thought I could find someone else, but right now I don’t want to. I keep finding little traces of her life. Today it was her teeth whitening tray, containing the imprint of her teeth. I could see the place where one of her canines was pushed out a bit. That’s what I have, impressions of her life with me. That’s what this house is, an impression of her spirit. But those are all poor substitutes. I want to feel her with me. I don’t have the expectation of seeing her again. I wish I had the comfort of faith, but that has eluded me as I’ve gotten older. I hope I’m wrong, but that’s not enough to hold on to. All I have are the imprints of her existence. That is some, if modest, comfort.

  • commented on A Hall of Memories~ 2019-01-31 12:42:58 -0800
    Jan 30 was the anniversary of my Barbara’s passing. This is so touching and apropos. I am grateful to have three daughters and four granddaughters who also have halls of memories, keeping her heart alive for long after I’m gone.

  • wants to volunteer 2019-01-29 11:19:24 -0800


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  • rsvped for ATLANTA, GEORGIA 2019-01-29 11:16:07 -0800


    Join our Atlanta Soaring Spirits group if you live in the area or even if you're just visiting!  RSVP here if you'd like more information.

    Note:  Please disregard date noted on this event.  Actual group events are posted as specific dates and locations are determined.

    December 31, 2019 at 6pm
    Atlanta, GA
    United States
    Google map and directions
    19 rsvps rsvp

  • commented on Home is where the heart is 2019-01-27 13:04:25 -0800
    I’m trying to decide whether to move myself. This is Barbara’s House. If I move, it will be my house and it won’t have her touches. Everywhere I look she is here. I hate to give that up, although it’s too big for me.

  • commented on She is Missing 2019-01-25 14:11:48 -0800
    Just got back from Disney World myself. My adult daughter was with me. It was her idea to take my mind away from my grief. It was not the same without my wife. We remembered that the last time we were here my wife was in a wheelchair and we got to skip the line. I wanted to say, “This worse, she’s not with me now!” But I don’t wear a sign saying I’m a widower. There’s no special allowance for those of us in deep grief, although I would gladly be a paraplegic if I could have her back.

  • commented on This is Getting Old 2019-01-16 11:46:34 -0800
    It’s been almost one year for me. Getting through Christmas was hard. I’m hoping the anniversary date will help things get easier. Everything from now on is second. There were things we planned to do together, but we did a lot already and now repeating those activities just reminds me of her. I have overcome most of my loneliness, but that has been replaced by an incredible sadness. She was my rock, my reason for living. I try to keep going for my kids and grandkids, but my heart’s not in it. My heart went up in smoke with her body. I am so sad.

  • commented on Their Best Selves in Us 2018-10-29 16:26:51 -0700
    My wife Barbara was incredibly kind, especially to those who were not in a position to repay her. I try to emulate her attitude and behavior but I am a poor substitute.

  • commented on Revolution 34 2018-09-25 08:07:40 -0700
    Beautiful metaphor! Although my life still feels like the broken record that falls off the track and can never get back on. I am hoping for the day that there is a new track to be played, but it hasn’t been recorded yet.

  • commented on A Life Unfinished 2018-09-17 21:49:25 -0700
    Ok miss those morning rituals too. And the texts that say, “come downstairs”. Thanks for a bittersweet reminder of that special joy.

  • commented on Helpers 2018-09-10 10:06:48 -0700
    This so well describes what it’s like to wander around the ruins of my life, the plans we made that will not come to pass, and the need for someone to just let me cry. I’m trying to reconstruct my life but there’s not much time left in which to build.

  • commented on Into the Fall 2018-09-09 12:06:10 -0700
    My Barbara loved the seasons. She worked very hard to get me excited about the smell of the air at each turn of the calendar. She was less successful at getting to accept her changes of mood, but I got better. Thank you for a stirring reminder to accept all of life’s seasons, even the storms.

  • commented on Blind Faith 2018-09-03 11:38:29 -0700
    Staci, so much of what you say resonates with me. I’m hoping I will have a Saul on the road to Damascus moment but it’s not happening. At my age (69) I don’t have many years left. I don’t want to waste them grieving about what is lost, but I haven’t found anything to replace them with yet. Yes, I must go forward, but how? I’m going forward in a blizzard, and I don’t know where forward is.

  • commented on La Bella Vita 2018-08-01 20:46:02 -0700
    My Barbara was always excited about life and each and every day. I was always a pessimist and a bit of an Eeyore. It took her many years of effort to finally get me to notice the beauty and joy of each day. Now that she is gone, I am having to work again to enjoy each day and admire the beauty of nature. Fortunately, she left me with three lovely daughters and five grandchildren, reason enough to celebrate life. Your post Staci helps me realize her presence is still around to remind me of what I am seeing. Thank you.

  • commented on A Normal Day 2018-07-27 16:00:23 -0700
    I am always having days where I feel somewhat comfortable with my current life and that unforgiving shadow drops over me and I am once again in that valley. I am ready for normal myself, but I don’t know when that will come.

  • commented on Beginnings 2018-07-25 16:47:51 -0700
    Jane Santa Hess, I just lost my wife after 49 years. She was the love of my life. I love Soaring Spirits, but it’s hard when you have spent all of your adult life with one person, and just as you’re moving into the “Golden Years” you lose that anchor. I wish there was a blog for us old lovers.