Kelley Lynn

When I first lost my husband to sudden death, I knew absolutely nobody that was my age who was widowed. The word "widow" made me cringe, and I ran away from any possibility that it could or would ever apply to me. Then I discovered Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow. Here were these people - hundreds of them - all over the country and the world - who were just like me. They had lost their partners too, and they were hurting and feeling alone too. Except suddenly, none of us were alone anymore, because now we had each other. The widowed community that I have met through Soaring Spirits is a HUGE part of the reason why I am alive and WANTING to be alive today. No joke. My widowed friends save my life over and over and over again, and I love them in a way that is impossible to describe. Soaring Spirits connects widowed people, and when you lose the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with - connection to people who "get it" means everything. My friends in the widowed community are evidence that there is life - joyful life - after loss. They inspire me daily, and I will always pay it forward however I can to Soaring Spirits, for giving me back my life again.

Phases of Widow

Its been a little over eight years since the sudden death of my husband and my world came crashing down like a tsunami, 

and so far, it sure has been one hell of a storm. 

Today, for no particular reason at all, I suddenly realized how the word "widow" has shifted and changed for me over these years. 

And, Im guessing, how it may continue to shift and change. 

Just as there are phases in any new reality, 

there are phases of widow, too. 

I will try to explain, although Im guessing that in this blog,

Im mostly "preaching to the choir" on this one. 

You guys get it. 

But for those who don't,

here's a little peek into the phases of the term widow ... 

Read more
5 reactions Share

  • commented on Phases of Widow 2019-10-11 15:35:03 -0700
    Amen to that, Don. I was really the one who was uncomfortable with it for a long time. Took awhile to comprehend that this is my reality, but Im proud of all the people I have come to know in the widowed community. We all have each others backs and we are a great crew!

  • commented on Engagement from Two Sides 2019-09-15 17:59:01 -0700
    I LOVE this post. I think Im going to love this “he said/she said” version of your Widows voice blogs lol. Its fantastic, really. I have a question that I think would be interesting, or a topic that would be interesting to hear both of your perspectives on. I am widowed. Nick, my boyfriend, is not. There are challenges with this. With me being sensitive to him not being widowed and making sure he never feels second fiddle etc, and with him understanding I will always love Don etc etc. I feel like mostly, its understood that when a non widowed person and a widowed person are in love, its going to be challenging. But with two widowed people being in love – I think most people assume that is “easier”, because youre both widowed so you understand hte whole widowed thing and its never an issue. Id love to hear about some of the challenges of two widowed people being in love. If you guys feel like writing about that …… thanks!!!

  • commented on The Grief Summit 2019-09-15 17:45:59 -0700
    Bryan, I write here each Friday, and I just wanted to say I love your writing style and honesty. I will keep reading for sure. I relate to so much of what you say. I do presentations at camp widow and have often felt this way .. the guilt, the sadness, the feeling like you have to be one way in public but inside you are struggling to keep it together… I totally get it… and Im so sorry.

  • commented on A Shared Grieving 2019-09-15 17:42:10 -0700
    Wow I would love to see that field of flowers. What a beautifully meaning tribute , all that love, growing, literally, because of death.

  • commented on Your Touch 2019-09-15 17:39:22 -0700
    Staci, Im the Friday writer here, just wanted to say this post is beautifully heartbreaking. I really relate and love it.

  • commented on The Fear of Taking New Risks 2019-07-16 03:47:14 -0700
    It’s a “widow-bago”

  • commented on Fearing More Death 2019-07-16 03:44:03 -0700
    Love you. And I totally get this.

  • commented on Summer Has a Feel ... 2019-06-22 13:52:23 -0700
    Im so sorry Bonnie, for all you are going through. My husband died at work. They found him collapsed on the floor at his volenteer job an hour after he got there. I woke up to a ringing phone from the hospital telling me to get there right away, that they had my husband. They wouldnt tell me anything else. I took that cab alone and when I got to the ER, they told me that he was rushed from work to them and he didnt make it. Im so sorry for what we all go through… the guilt, the horrible images, the missing… alll of it. Its so hard. Please take care of yourself and thank you for sharing some of your story with me.

  • commented on Random Widower Thoughts 2019-06-14 07:05:45 -0700
    I loved this blog of yours. Im the Friday writer on here, and this is the first time Ive stopped to check out your words before writing my own blog post. I will certainly be doing more of that, because I really loved what you have to say. Keep being honest. My husband and I had a huge music connection too, we love jazz and the Roots are awesome! Also, its totally normal to feel both grateful for your daughter and intensely sad that your wife isnt here , and to be confused by all of it. Hang in there, youre doing great things.

  • commented on Call Me Anytime 2019-05-10 13:48:16 -0700
    Yes to all of this. I remember all of our late night chats, and middle of the day chats, and the ones where we cried hard to each other over our failed new dating attempts, and other things. Such a deep bond is created through mutual loss. And what is REALLY cool is watching the person you saw at their saddest, living again and happy and finding her joys. It makes me so happy when I see my widowed friends creating lives that they can be proud of and joyful in. Love you xo

  • commented on Titles 2019-05-04 19:55:21 -0700
    See you next summer lol

  • commented on It Never Gets Old 2019-04-05 06:56:59 -0700
    thank you Noreen. widowed people are my best audience. You are my people, my tribe!!! I love doing what I do, and I love coming to camp and relaxing with my friends in the widowed community. ps I dont think your google search was “accidental.” you were meant to find us, to help you find your way xo

  • commented on When Hard Days Come 2019-03-29 12:02:18 -0700
    I still find Dons birthday to be sooooo hard, because hes dead, and he doesnt get to live life anymore, and there will never be a day where that doesnt depress me, or where I think how unfair it is that he got such a short life span. The way you honor Drew is always so beautiful and so touching. He will live on and on because of who you are, and because you will make it so. Love you xo

  • commented on Self-Caretaking 2019-03-29 11:59:55 -0700
    Mike thank you for sharing this, it helps me greatly in recognizing signs of depression with people in my own life. I think its great that you are taking care of yourself, and I hope that you find yourself with greater peace because of it.

  • commented on It's a Real Thing. Camp Crash~ 2019-03-29 11:54:15 -0700
    It was SO awesome connecting with you this time around, attending your workshop, introducing you to my guy, who has been so incredibly supportive – and dancing with you at the banquet!!! I didnt dance a lot, but when I did, you were out there, and it made me smile. I love my widowed family :)

  • commented on Me and the Universe~ 2019-03-14 19:19:06 -0700
    I love this. Christina is amazing. I met her long ago also, and we have become friends. She is wonderful and very generous and big hearted. I have her new book and its been hard for me to read. I dont know why. I think Im scared to “go there” for some reason, but I have always beleived everything she speaks of. Energy. Love never dies. We are connected forever. All of it. My grief counelor took me through a period during our sessions a couple years ago, where she had me “shift” my relationship with Don from one of husband wife, to one of “forever connected , a beautiful bond, he is your spirit guide.” IT was soooo hard for me, to no longer “feel” married to him , but once I did it, I actualyl felt closer to him than ever before. I cant explain it, but ever since then, I feel him near me ALL THE TIME. Its not nearly as great as having him here on earth with me, but its nine million steps above feeling like he is nowhere, or somewhere where I cant feel him. I feel him right now. He is a part of everything. In some ways, our relationship feels even more profound than ever. I think you will feel that with your Chuck. I really do. I hope this helps.

  • commented on Quality Time 2019-03-14 19:11:49 -0700
    Time lost feels so heavy after our person dies. I am VERY aware of precious time now, in my current relationship. I totally get it.

  • commented on Accepting Fear 2019-03-14 19:09:33 -0700
    Don , your comment made me laugh lol. Sarah, I agree that it helps enormously to share with this community and to write it all out . The fears are so real and terrifying, it feels good to just put them somewhere sometimes, instead of hiding or ignoring them.

  • commented on Trauma Triggers: Is This Still a Thing? 2019-03-14 19:07:04 -0700
    thank you everyone for these very kind comments. The trauma is real, as you all know.

  • commented on Favorite Parent 2019-02-22 07:02:18 -0800
    This is so cute and I actually had a “tear” while reading about Shelby having a tear. Ha!!! I love that Weird Al is the thing you have in common. How hilariously perfect. I love him also. Hes the best. I bet that concert will be so silly and funny and just all kinds of FUN! Take pics please when you go!!!

Kelley is a comedian, writer, actor, and speaker living in NYC. She married her soul-mate and best friend Don, in October of 2006. She was 35, and he was 42. Just over four years later, he would die shockingly from a massive heart-attack. Kelley has turne
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