52 Year Old Cancer Widower

This is a place I can go knowing that I am not the only person who suffers from this awful emotion called Grief.

  • commented on Grief Is A Funny Thing 2017-10-10 06:08:56 -0700
    Well said Wendy, you write much of how I feel. I can truly identify with you and your feelings and that’s probably why you enjoyed your time with Mary because you both can identify with one another. There will never be a time where you will forget Ben. You will always carry him with you and there will always be moments of sadness but that that sadness is your expression of love for him (if that’s makes sense), and you will always carry that.

  • commented on Happy Anniversary, Ben The Titan 2017-09-25 05:34:30 -0700
    I’m with you Wendy, I totally understand and get it. Holidays, Anniversary’s and Birthdays are the hardest to endure. I just try to plan ahead for those days with certain plans that will keep me busy and to honor her, example, November 29th is her Birthday. I have already made my plans to take off a half a day of work to visit the cemetery. I will take a Christmas wreath and hang it by her burial site. She loved Christmas and I know she would love the gesture. Those are the types of things that get me by. I know when I’m there it’s very somber but afterwards I actually feel good and happy because I know that she would of been happy. I’m hoping you are finding more peace as each day goes by. I wish you the best on trying to endure these type of days. Just know there are many of us out here who know what you are going through and know that we are with you.

  • commented on It's Complicated - Repost 2017-09-21 10:23:52 -0700
    the pain will always be with us. Some days more apparent than others. There will always be triggers. We just have to learn to cope with it as difficult as it can be at times. My significant passed this past May, still fresh. Autumn was her favorite time of year and tomorrow is the start of it. TRIGGER. Leaves changing colors, pumpkins, crisp cool air, The fire place, Spiced Coffee and tea, all triggers. I get it Darlene. The holidays are coming too. I feel I’m just going to brush it all under the rug this year and hopefully in coming years I can regain that spirit. But without her they will never be the same. Her birthday is 11/29. Another trigger, right in the center of the Holiday season. I truly get it and I feel your pain.

  • commented on It Must Have Superpowers 2017-09-18 09:46:45 -0700
    it helps to know that there are other people out there who can identify how I feel. I know it’s hard at times to realize that. Going to a grief group helped me to realize that other people have gone through the same thing I am going through and in some cases more tragic. In a way it made me take my focus off of myself and on to them. I felt so alone before I went to a group. Once I attended it helped me discover others grief.

  • commented on What if... 2017-09-18 05:34:34 -0700
    Sarah, the universe is never ending and you have to think that there are different realms that we progress to after this one. I’ve been reading a book called “Proof of Heaven”, by Eben Alexander and in it he explains the experience he had during an illness that put him into a coma. It’s very detailed in how he describes it which makes hard for me to not believe what he is writing about. He is a highly trained Neurosurgeon who was always questioning the Afterlife before his illness and now is a true believer. I recommend the reading if you already haven’t. I guess it is a natural for many of us to seek out the answers of what happened to our loved ones when they pass and also hope that we find the answer to the question if we will one day be reunited with them.
    I’ve had many experiences and occurrences since my loved one has passed. Lights being turned on, hearing my name be spoken when there is no one else around etc. I do not fear this events, they actually bring me comfort in knowing that it’s possibly my departed loved ones presence around me. I can only hope that the Path that God has created for me will lead me back to her.

  • commented on An Honest Love Letter: Saint-Onge style 2017-09-11 07:27:23 -0700
    Wendy, you do have the talent to express your feelings. Ben was lucky to have you. It should be and is every ones goal in life to find that person that loves you unconditionally. You had it and gave it. I read the entire letter and it was touching beyond compare. Godspeed to you as you continue this journey.

  • commented on Simple Words, Again. 2017-09-07 08:06:46 -0700
    no matter what I do, where I go or who I’m with, she will always be in my thoughts. I will honor, miss and love her for the rest of my lifetime.

  • commented on Summer Is Winding Down 2017-09-05 13:24:04 -0700
    We are all in the same boat. We wish all of our spouses and significants could still be here in the flesh and Cancer free. We all feel the same pain and we all have the same thoughts of longing. There is so much that is missing now from our lives. All of us are finding a bit of normalcy again in our lives but there are always those moments that take you back and think what it would be like if they were still here with us and those thoughts will always be with us.

  • commented on Beginning of the End 2017-09-05 13:12:21 -0700
    Seek Counseling. A good Counselor can help you see this through. You have to be able to talk about it. And take that last day you have the day after Thanksgiving. It will be a mini vacation and it sounds like you need it.

  • commented on No One To Zip Me Up 2017-08-14 05:42:53 -0700
    I can’t wait to read your post after the camp. I hoping your anxiety once you arrive, get comfortable and start meeting others, is put to rest. I’m pretty sure it will be. And I’m sure there will be many others like you that will have the same issue zipping up the back of that dress. That’s what the camp is all about, helping each other. Enjoy. I’m contemplating the Tampa camp since I’m on the East Coast of the US.

  • commented on Here I Stand 2017-08-11 09:34:47 -0700
    Today, August 12th, I want to emphasize that this isn’t an anniversary. Anniversaries should only be designated for happy things such as weddings and things similiar. This is more of a date of remembrance or a date of a memorial. Karen passed away 3 months ago today. 3 months of not seeing her, 3 months of not talking to her and 3 months of her no longer existing. I am now at a point where I imagine where my life would be with her if she was still here, alive and healthy. Traveling, shopping, vacations, barbeques with family, sitting around an outdoor fire or just simple date nights holding hands. I also try to imagine what our plans for the future would of been then reality sets in and I realize I’m alone and pretty much starting over. I miss Karen everyday and I love her even more. I hope God is looking over her and taken care of her until I get back to her. I know to many thats just a fantasy and the idea of God is just a way for us to live a good, honest, civil and moral life but in the end its just the end. Sometimes I do question the existence but my only hope now is for God to exist and to hope I will one day be reunited with Karen. There are days when I see Sunrises and Sunsets. How the clouds are formed and intermingled with a blue sky and the beauty of it. Or the beauty of a fresh layer of snow, the trees turning colors in the Fall or the beautiful formation of the Rocky Mountains. I think about how big the universe is and how it was and who created it. These things make me think that there has to be a God so I must have faith and believe that I will be reunited with her one day. 3 months has been an eternity. I don’t think there has been a day that I haven’t cried. Im only 52 years old. Imagining another 30 years without her is daunting and I only hope that when its my time she is the one that will be welcoming me to where she is. Wherever that shall be

  • commented on Forget to Remember 2017-08-08 06:50:20 -0700
    Karen and I weren’t married but the 16th anniversary of our 1st date is coming up on August 31st. Her passing is still very recent so I’m still in severe grief mode but on that day there will be an increase in emotion. That day will always stand out for me. I know I will pay a visit to the cemetery but I know I will honor her in another way as well. And yes, I’m sure tears will be included.

  • commented on Trip Down Memory Lane 2017-08-07 04:42:04 -0700
    Well said Wendy. You are absolutely correct. I’m not there yet though. I can’t not yet go to places where there are good memories. All I do is remember and it brings tears to my eyes. It doesn’t matter where I am. One of these days I will be able to do what you are doing and I hope I can express those memories as well as you do.

  • commented on Hitting the Wall 2017-08-06 07:47:07 -0700
    Sometimes it’s overwhelming to a point where you feel you are able to knock down a wall and as soon as you do you realize there is another one thicker, taller and more formidable that needs to be knocked down to a point where you feel like giving up

  • commented on Losing Pieces of You 2017-08-04 12:54:35 -0700
    you know, there will be a moment when the line to that song you were trying to sing to your cat will come to you. That could possibly be him checking in with you. Happens to me all of the time. especially with the nick names she use to call me. One day I may forget one of the names and not to long after it will come back to me. Like I’m asking her, “What was that name you use to call me”? And she will answer not too long after that.

  • commented on That Moment 2017-08-03 07:23:40 -0700
    Maybe it wasn’t an evil twin. Maybe it was sign of him looking over you. I try to make sense of these triggers and the pain in my heart. Is it actually them pulling those triggers? Is it actually them living in your heart that causes that pain? I guess one day we will eventually find the answers. Not soon enough for my liking though.

  • commented on Over the Hump 2017-08-02 09:39:54 -0700
    an Inspiring adventure for sure. I look forward to getting to your level Mike.

  • commented on After Death Shockers~ 2017-08-02 05:37:41 -0700
    I also try to remove all drama from my life. Who actually has time for it. The one thing about losing a loved one makes you realize there are so many things that seem less important. In my case, I’m a huge sports fan. Football season was my time of year and I looked forward to it and she enhanced it by throwing something on the crock pot, making some finger food or making a great dinner to celebrate victory or comfort food for the agony of defeat. It just doesn’t seem as important anymore nor do I care who wins or loses. I will carry on with my tradition but with much less enthusiasm than before.
    It definitely is painful to be here. We are the ones they left behind, not by their choosing though. I know she loved me, its the last thing she said to me and the last thing I said to her. I feel her presence at times around me. I have dreams of her where we hold hands, hug and kiss ( I never had physical dreams like that before with anyone) You say said that Chuck left you enough love to pull you through for the rest of your years, I’m still a young 52 years old and I know I will love her for the rest of my days and I can only hope that she is the one greeting me in my next phase and by the sounds of how you describe your relationship with Chuck that I have no doubt that he will the one greeting you in yours.

  • commented on Maybe I'll Get A Cat 2017-07-31 06:44:17 -0700
    Wendy, I know exactly how you feel. Putting yourself out there and trying to find Chapter 2. A sibling said I should do the same thing and I felt it was too soon for me but I did anyway because I felt so alone. I needed some company, a friend who could identify what I was going through. I put my self out there for a few weeks and there were few inquiries but after meeting the 1st person I just decided I just wasn’t ready for this and took my profile down. I hope one day I will be ready. This past weekend I took a few steps back. I’m in a state of “When Am I Going To Stop Feeling Like This”. I miss Karen immensely and her memory and our memories consume me. As I type this I’m tearing up.

    My family is at a point now where they are getting tired of me talking about it. My sister told me that I need to stop talking about because it makes people uncomfortable. I don’t wish what I’m going through on anybody, but maybe if some of these people experienced what I’m experiencing now they’d have a clue. I met up with a friend I met in a Men’s Grief group and had dinner with him last night. That group therapy stuff is the best. I felt relief because I was able to talk about Karen to someone who actually listened and could identify with me. It was the best I felt all weekend until I woke up this morning after having a dream of Karen and I kissing.

    When Karen was still with me, we had 4 children between us and I was always in search of the solitude you wrote about, I would mow the lawn, do yard work or some other project to escape the chaos. It brought me peace. But I would do anything now to have that chaos back. I have too much solitude now. I have so much solitude now that I don’t have any peace.

  • commented on Hiatus 2017-07-28 10:40:35 -0700
    I look forward to the level that you are currently on. Hopefully, I can achieve it.

I am a 52 year old Cancer Widower. I lost my beloved Karen on May 12th, 2017 of Metestatic Breast Cancer. She was only 59.
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