I watched a documentary last night about Custer and the Battle of Little Bighorn. Pretty heavy watching, you might think, and you'd be right for so many reasons.
My husband and I shared a love for American history and traveled to so many National Parks over the 4 years we traveled as Happily Homeless. Little Bighorn in Montana was a powerful place for us both and we carried away intense memories from our time there.
My ears perked up when the documentary discussed the wives at Ft Lincoln waiting for news of their husbands, not knowing that the battle had ended and all the soldiers had died. Elizabeth Custer, George's wife, wrote a letter in which she spoke about the "unendurable yearning" of each of the wives for their husbands.
Those are the words I remember from the documentary. Unendurable yearning.
I'd say that pretty much describes my heart and soul and body since Chuck died.
My daughter Rachael-Grace and I, in our 6 month Nothin' But Love tour, will go to Little Bighorn. It was one of the places my husband asked me to re-visit to scatter his cremains. The geography of that area is wide-open, the skies are endless, and we'll find a place away from people to remember and honor him.
There is so much grief and emotion in me as I contemplate this next part of my travels that I've gone numb. You probably know that feeling yourself. How much pain and grief can a body sustain before it goes numb with that pain?
This 6 month trip will take me headlong into my grief, on roads he and I drove, all over the US. Along the way, Rae and I will, I'm certain, be astounded and awed and left in wonder at the power of this love he left behind for us.