It Seems That I Am Overqualified

... to grieve in the same way as most widows.  
According to certain people.

(Surprisingly enough, I wrote this post before I read Amanda's post from yesterday.  It seems we know some of the same people!  :)

This can be a touchy subject, so be prepared to feel "touchy".
It's about money.
Or the lack thereof.
Someone who reads my personal blog thinks I don't deserve to complain, feel sad, or write my honest feelings about my life, my challenges,  my need for a break from the "stuff" that keeps cropping up in my life ..... from my grief.
Of course, this person doesn't post with her/his own name, but hides behind the label "Anonymous".
Of course.


She writes that she is "offended" by my blog.
I wonder why she reads it?  
Anyway, it seems that there is a division in widowhood (according to her .... and I would bet it's a "her"):
1.  Widows who were lucky/blessed enough to have a husband who thought "what if" .... and prepared  financially for the event neither thought would happen
and ....
2.  Those who didn't.  
This person doesn't seem to think that I have the right to "grieve",  or complain about all of the crap that's happened in my life these last 4 years ..... because I get to "play tennis".
Because I don't have to have a full time job.  Yet.
And because my children are all healthy.
She has written, more than once, that there are other widows out there who are "much worse off" than me.
And she's right.  There certainly are.
I am so aware of those widows ..... that I have often written about how blessed I am.  I know it.  And I don't take that for granted.
But ..... to believe that widows who aren't struggling don't deserve to grieve as hard as those who aren't .....
is to be ignorant of what true grief is.
Lucky her.
I don't deserve to hurt, to be unhappy some days, to write about the negative things that have gone on for over 4 years ..... because I'm in group #1?
I don't deserve to feel overwhelmed on some days?
I don't deserve to feel that I need a break from:  only-parenting 2 teenage boys (and 4 "adults"), health issues that never seem to end (including cancer and surgery, R.A., depression, an almost 3 month-long bladder infection .... I won't continue to bore you with all of that crap), children who make wrong decisions, children who are struggling with their grief, being the sole care-taker of a home and cars, 
being the sole decision-maker for 7 people .... and most times just taking a wild guess, which goes horribly wrong?
I don't deserve to grieve openly and honestly because I have more money than some people?
How many of you have found that having money means that your heart didn't break when your loved one died?  Or that you "moved on" .... and sooner than most widows?
How many of you didn't feel like you wanted to die .... because you could pay your bills?
How many of you haven't struggled with your children's grief, with the fact that the person who was you, died that day, with loneliness, thoughtless comments, depression, health issues, sleepless nights, wondering if you'll die alone, wondering if something happened to you while you were alone in your home ... how long it would take for someone to find you ..... because your spouse bought life insurance?

How many of you have no worries about the future .... of ever being loved (or ever loving someone),  of witnessing all of the milestones of your children .... without their father .... because you live in a nice house?
And .... how many of you would give up every cent you have, every single possession ..... and live on the streets if that would bring your loved one back?
This is not the first time I've heard this judgement from someone.
But it still surprised me.
People can be so thoughtless.
Especially people who've never heard the phrase, "Money doesn't buy happiness."
They most likely haven't heard this one, either:  "All the money in the world cannot make up for becoming widowed".
Yes, I just made that one up.
And this one ......  "Money can't bring back a dead husband/wife".
But I guess, according to some people, money makes you overqualified to grieve.
I wish someone had informed me of that fact 4 years ago.

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