I used to answer my phone and I'd hear him say "Hi Beautiful, it's me".
I miss those days.
I miss when my phone would ring and his voice was on the other end.
I miss hearing the man I love telling me it was him.
Art: Loui Jover
When he was alive, Mike belonged to me and I belonged to him. And, for a short while, everything seemed right in the world. And, now, nothing, not one damn thing, has felt right in almost two years.
I knew Mike thought of me as his person when he casually referred to himself as "it's me". This phrase between couples becomes commonplace as a friendship turns into a romantic relationship. It is an informal way of sealing the deal. It is a universal phrase that solidifies your couplehood.
"It's me", is a phrase that comes to be when you acknowledge that you are theirs and they are yours. Like many couples, Mike and I declared that we belonged to one another with this short, subtle phrase. This was just one of the many gestures that we naturally adapted as we fell in love with each other. I really miss being in love - with him. In truth, I am still in love with Mike. And, I think I always will be.
These days, there is not a person in the world that calls me and says "it's me". I am not anyone's person anymore and no one is mine. I miss being a better half. I miss being part of a couple.
"It's me", just two small words - that mean the world.
This is just one of the many everyday phrases that widowed people lose and desperately miss.
It is strange, but there is no official mourning of these nuances between lovers. However, I think that it is important to acknowledge that these gestures are missing from our lives without them. These terms of endearment are what we ache for in the middle of an ordinary day. The lack of these loving terms is what sets us apart from others who are still coupled.
When Mike was alive I knew who I was.
Now, I have to figure out who I am without him.
It is only me.
And, it is my job to figure out what it means to be me.
What does "it's me" mean now?
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