It Never Gets Old

Being a widow - it gets old really fast. 

There are days and weeks and hours where I want to scream out to the universe or whoever cares: 

"IM SO OVER THIS!!! WHEN WILL THIS WIDOW THING END???" 

But it wont end. He will always be dead, so I will always be his widow. 

And truly, it is my honor, because it means we are forever connected. 

But living day to day life as a widowed person, trying to fit into a world where I am a total misfit - 

its hard. And it gets old really fast. 

You know what doesnt get old though? 

Meeting other widowed people. Connecting with widowed people. 

Going away for a few days to a place called Camp Widow and feeling the safe and warm feeling that being surrounded by love brings.  

Discovering new workshops and presentations to hear, to check out - hearing new messages and receiving new tools, from others who have walked this road.

Sitting by the pool and swimming, relaxing - sharing time with my love, who is not widowed, and who comes to Tampa camp with me as my guest. 

Feeling thankful that I have a partner who has the kind of heart that he would enter this crazy widowed community with eyes wide open. 

Feeling loved knowing that he has found his place here too, in this lovely community filled with empathy, future, and hope. 

Seeing my widowed friends making strides, getting through struggles, finding real joy. 

Making widowed people laugh , with my presentation. Their laughter is always my favorite sound. 

Feeling like I belong. Feeling calm and at peace. Feeling like I can do this. Feeling like the person I lost to death is being properly honored ,

instead of ignored. 

Feeling the bond of lifelong friendships, built on loss and pain. Knowing these people have my back, and I have theirs. Picking myself up again and again, because of their strength. Seeing evidence that so many others have created beautiful, complex lives after loss. Knowing that I can too. 

 

None of that ever gets old. 

This was my 20th or 21st or 23rd time attending and presenting at Camp Widow. 

I dont know anymore. 

Ive lost count. 

Who cares. 

I will keep going back. 

25 times and 32 times and 100 times. 

It heals me. It gives me hope. It fuels me to keep on living. 

 

There is nothing quite as beautiful, 

as being washed up on the shore, 

after having been through the tsunami - 

and seeing others there too , 

holding each others hands, 

speaking each others hearts, 

and awaiting each other's arrival. 

 

Grief, 

when shared with others, 

is cut in half. 

Like water and air and oxygen, 

this connection with my widowed family, 

is a necessity. 

 

Even though it is built on our collective death experiences, 

our friendships and relationships are everything to do with 

LIFE. 

 

 


Showing 5 reactions

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  • Mi Fasola
    commented 2019-04-06 17:17:45 -0700
    Although I do have widowed friends I don’t stigmatize myself with labels. Yes my beloved husband of 40 years is gone and not forgotten. As a free single beautiful 64 year old woman I am still viable as a vibrant intelligent, sensual companion for a worthy man. I’ve met far too many women who once their spouse passes they shut themselves off from life’s gifts which includes partnering with gentle, handsome and virile men. Stop wasting time looking back. Move forward to your joy. I never know when my life will end; only God does. For that reason I put myself out in the forefront. I care for myself and comfort myself as well. I have done the work to become who I am today.
  • Kelley Lynn
    commented 2019-04-05 06:56:59 -0700
    thank you Noreen. widowed people are my best audience. You are my people, my tribe!!! I love doing what I do, and I love coming to camp and relaxing with my friends in the widowed community. ps I dont think your google search was “accidental.” you were meant to find us, to help you find your way xo
  • Kelley Lynn
    commented 2019-04-05 06:55:01 -0700
    Thank you Linda. My connection to Don is forever, as is yours to John. It will never leave you, and anyone who should ask you to break that connection doesnt deserve a place in your life. That is my opinion on that lol.
  • Noreen McCullagh
    commented 2019-04-02 19:58:06 -0700
    I was one of the widows that you made laugh in a Tampa-your talk generated real authentic belly laughter and for that I’m grateful
    : ) I am so glad to have found Camp Widow through an accidental Google search – truly a gift. I haven’t seen a rainbow since I came home yet, but I’m sure I will let out a real giggle when I see one 🌈❤️
  • Linda Keeling
    commented 2019-03-30 16:05:29 -0700
    It’s so good that you validate the dealing with always being a widow even when a new love soul person is in our lives…. I never ever want to lose my connection to my John… it is an honor…
    And I love the pictures.. thanks for sharing❤️❤️❤️❤️