We had the annual “Mardi-Craw” this past Saturday. I think about my husband Daniel every day, in lots of different situations, but our annual crawfish boil is one particular day I think about him all day long and cuss him for not being there. I have to admit that for the past four crawfish boils since he died….we’ve had SPECTACULAR weather, and always an amazing time. He may not be there in person, but I tend to think he orders up the weather for us and his memory creates a festive atmosphere that no one is immune to.
One of his favorite sayings he used to kick off the crawfish boil was: “If you’re not having a good time, it’s your own damn fault”. I’ve sort of taken that saying, which brings a smile to my face whenever I think of it, and made it my own motto about this life I still have to live. I could let it all get me down; heaven knows there are plenty of reasons to be angry, bitter, sad, etc. I admit that sometimes I am just that: angry, bitter, and sad. But, these days it doesn’t last too long, before I hear his voice in my head and I think about it. He would love to be here, loving our life and raising our beautiful son. He’s not and I am. It’s tough duty without him, but I’m doing the best that I can.
As he would say “if you’re not having a good time, it’s your own damn fault!” Some days repeating those words to myself over and over is the only way I can make it through. Each day is another day; today I’m going to have a good time.