I Seem to Be Falling Apart ....

janine.jpg... but this time .... I'm falling apart physically more than emotionally.
At least for now.

I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm just hoping that, this time, I can cope with a physical problem without having the waves of grief crash in on me.

I've had to deal with a lot of crap since Jim died .... crap that my body has experienced because of, in my opinion, my grief.
My body has not dealt with Jim's death very well.
It seems to be staging a revolt.  Several body parts seem ready to resign.
Hell, some may just get fired if this keeps up.

I know that things start falling apart as we get older, but I also know that I have aged too many years to count since December 2007.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of having to deal with pain and I'm tired of having deal with it without my husband.

And I'm pissed.
I'm pissed at what grief has done to me .... emotionally as well as physically.

But I'm more pissed that Jim is forever younger than me.

Although I'm sure he finds great amusement in it.

I'd love to be able to tell you that my emotions have stayed in check, but that wouldn't be the truth.
I woke up this morning knowing full well that it was going to be "one of those days".  And it was.
The waves hit me as soon as I got out of bed.
So much for better "healed" after 2 years and 11 months (tomorrow).  But who's counting?

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