I miss my someone

1cc5aa01-5541-4c41-9de0-ab49d352501f.jpgThis week my sister turned 30. So we headed to Nashville to celebrate. It was an amazing trip. We had a blast. But as I looked around I noticed something I notice a lot, everyone with their "someone". And it just makes me miss my someone. Over the course of this year I have become more comfortable being the single parent and the third wheel. It happens all the time. In Nashville it was me, my sister, and her boyfriend. I go to dinner with my mom and step dad. Or just hanging out with my friends they all have spouses now. That's what you are supposed to do at our age.

IMG_0676.JPGAnd then there's me. Just me. And like I said I'm ok with it. Obviously this isn't the life I wanted but it's what I have. I know I had a great someone and I know I had a love most dream of. And for the most part I think I handle it well and I'm pretty comfortable being just me. But then the storm creeps up on you and can't breathe.
This is what happen the last night in Nashville. I was just so sad. I knew Joey would have loved Nashville. We would have had a great time there. But instead it was just me. Grief is very much like a storm on the ocean, the clouds just roll in and all of sudden the waves are so big you can't keep you head above water. But I've also learned to allow myself to be sad. It does no good to keep it in. I don't feel the need to share my feelings all the time. Sometimes, like the last night, I just cry quietly and remember his smell, his touch, his smile and drift off to sleep.

I miss my someone. I wish I could just have one more moment with him. And hopefully one day I will get all this time back until then I will keep living and do my best to not waste the time I have left. This is what people talk about though the blessing in being a widow. You get life. You know how special each day is. I’m grateful I got to be there in Nashville with my sister, she is my someone too. Just always try to find the light in the darkness.

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  • Susan Anderson
    commented 2016-07-12 09:45:16 -0700
    Gary, thanks for bringing hope and reassurance into the conversation!
  • Susan Anderson
    commented 2016-07-12 09:43:57 -0700
    Rockies Van Oss, I hate when people give you simple solutions to complicated situations! Only you can know what fits you and when to do it. I took 2 months off from work in the beginning, went back because I needed my paycheck, not because I was all that ready! But there are 3 co-workers in my age bracket who “get it”. My 40-something boss, not so much. But these friends understand the trigger days and are supportive.
    I am often alone outside of work. Partly because I like and need it, partly due to everyone’s crazy life demands and schedules. I spend a LOT of time doing art, making cards, making small books, crafting. It has been my go-to self-therapy over the past 4 years. It quiets and focuses my mind. I also journal. I write about my husband, our special memories about food and cooking.
    In the past 3 months I have visited a friend and a cousin our of state, gone to see a play, and attended 2 Soaring Spirit meetings. Those were do helpful because I could talk about my husband and my process.
    I don’t know where you live and what is available.
    On a different note altogether, have you considered a private session with a medium? I’m serious! I have had a couple. The feeling of the spiritual contact with my husband was amazing, awesome, made me feel so much better! You can read a book by Bob Olsen about after-life communication, find him on YouTube too. I also have read other people’s books. Lynn Ragan wrote 2 about her experiences. I believe in signs from our departed loved ones.
    Oh, and I have a teddy bear couple on the bed. I talk to the boy bear every day! He doesn’t answer in spoken language but he answers in my heart.
    I’m not crazy, guys!! Just trying my best to deal!
  • Rickie Van Oss
    commented 2016-07-11 21:23:24 -0700
    IT will be a year this month, 46 years of just us and now it is just me. I am so tired of doing this alone and I have limited support. I have mature kids. Everyone has their lives still and I don’t want to depend on them, I am just suppose to be strong and not whine. I am so alone and not use to this. Any suggestions except volunteer, go to a center and join a group I am open. We always existed with just us because of alcohol. Not an issue anymore. I am 71 and in good health. Hospice counselor helped me yet I am older than she was. Smiling, missing the past when he was healthy not the last year difficult. Like Is this all there IS…???
  • Michelle Midgett
    commented 2016-07-11 18:57:55 -0700
    Susan, I know how you feel. Although I do have children and I am younger than you, my husband was my life, my family was my life and I would do anything to have that back. I think its just a matter of finding our new place in this world. And I believe we will.
    Gary, thank you for your kind words. I have been told this many times and sometimes I don’t want to move forward I have faith that I will find happiness when I am ready to.
  • Gary Sturgis
    commented 2016-07-11 17:20:45 -0700
    Although I never imagined it I found another “someone” after my husband died at 52. There is more love and hope on your journey. I found that out after I walked through the darkness. Have faith and it will happen. There are more chapters in the book of life.
  • Susan Anderson
    commented 2016-07-11 11:14:02 -0700
    I am dealing with being the single one as well. Just had a conversation about it. I don’t have many friends. My life was my husband and I liked it that way. We were both home bodies and we did everything together. We had “laundry” dates! Well, now he’s gone and I am so out of sync with my old friends. And the friends of the future haven’t arrived yet. Many women in their 60s like me are all wrapped up in their families and grand children. I never had children. So now I am the person alone. Not sure where things are headed.