It's been 5 years. In that 5 years I've changed in so many ways. I'm still the same old me, but different. Daniel didn't know this me. The one that survived his loss, the one that has been raising our child by myself. The one that bears the burden of making it all happen, all day, every day.
You'd think it would make me more serious, all of this loss, all of the responsibility, all of the stress. It hasn't. In many ways I'm more light-hearted than I was before. Life is beautiful and life is short. I am reminded of that daily. When I forget for a moment and get bogged down in the minutiae, usually I snap out of it quickly. What's the use? I know that I could be hit by a truck tomorrow. If my number is called, I want to be sure I'm enjoying my life at the moment it happens. No excuses, no regrets.
I couldn't ever imagine loving someone besides Daniel, but then I couldn't imagine the horrors of his cancer and living without him either. Apparently anything is possible. Weeks before Daniel died he told me he was afraid I'd choose to be alone and he didn't want that for me. He gave me his blessing when I couldn't bear to hear it, but his words have echoed in my head on and off for 5 years.
Sooooo, I'm outing myself on the blog and confessing to you guys that I'm seeing someone. I have been for a few months now, and it has been fabulous. He's fantastic and I'm so lucky to have stumbled across him. Sometimes life makes you margaritas and even salts the rim at no extra charge :) It's different being in this relationship; I'm different. But in the words of a wonderful friend, different doesn't have to be bad, different can be really, really good.