I Choose to Believe

A week ago I was given an opportunity at a big event to share with my essential oil community about inclusion, community and growth. It amazes me what has come into my life in the past year. Part of my oil journey is the loss of Tin. I share about him in every speech I give. I share about Soaring Spirits and I share about the widowed Facebook support group, A Widow’s Valor, that gives those in the Young Living oily community a place to be surrounded by other oilers. Talking about my loss isn’t easier, it’s just different. I’ll always be a work in progress and, as I practice reflection and present time, I can pull myself from the tough days to look at the big picture of my journey and rebuilding. When I stop and take time to look at my journey I can see that I have accomplished something amazing – I survived and now I’m beginning to thrive.

All of our journeys look different but something we all have in common is that our journeys have highs and lows. It’s what I do in my lows that I want to share with you because it brings me back to neutral and I can begin my forward growth again. I have had to learn (which is always a changing landscape) that when the hard thoughts pour in I can control the intensity of the storm. I can’t stop it, the emotions are strong but the ability to slow its winds is empowering. I never deny how I am feeling. I accept it. I accept what has happened. I accept my loss and I accept my grief. Fighting it only makes the storm worse for me and I lose control. They say that knowing your enemy gives you the advantage so when I acknowledge the storm I can predict its path and move out of the way. Some storms hit harder and I don’t move fast enough but there is always the opportunity to get back up, grow stronger and be ever more ready for the next storm.

When I take this approach I begin to feel grounded, forgive myself for falling back, release what I cannot control, bring myself to the present time, feel my strength return and I just believe. I believe in whatever small bit of hope I can. It could be as small as telling myself that the next breath will be easier, the next minute will be calmer and I choose to believe.

I’ve looked into many ways to manage my experience with grief and loss. I couldn’t find the right resource or book that spoke to me. While at my event last week, a friend said she felt called to tell me about a book she had just read and implemented called “Super Attractor” by Gabrielle Bernstein. I downloaded the book and listened along the 5 1/2 hour drive. By the end of my drive I had not only heard the words, I felt them fit in a way that I have been searching. For me and my spirituality, I can’t believe that everything happens for a reason and that I control my destiny, those 2 mindsets oppose themselves and strengthens my storms. So I choose that everything happens for a reason and surrender that to the universe and look for signs that I am being guided.

I have been missing Tin more this week as the holidays approach and I have no family near me. The storm of lonely sent an approaching chilled breeze to kindly warn me it was approaching. I felt myself get heavy and instead of tensing up I leaned into the feeling and asked the universe for some sign. Shortly after, I walked into my office and stopped in my tracks at the sight of my coworker’s wedding ring on his desk. He never takes it off. I felt those feelings you’d expect the widowed to feel seeing a lonely wedding ring. It symbolized everything difficult for that week and than the thought hit – Although I couldn’t see my coworker I knew he was still around. Chills ran through me and I accepted the wisdom I had just been given. Just because I can’t see Tin doesn’t mean he is not nearby. I smiled looking at that ring and felt great gratitude for the change in my perception. It wasn’t a reminder I was alone, it was a reminder that I’m never alone as long as I remember to just believe…

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