A lot of people use the start of a new year as a time for reflection and resolutions. However, since being widowed I feel like what people do on new year’s day is what I do constantly; I am always reflecting, reevaluating and adjusting to make changes. I haven’t felt like I can go through my life like I once did - just doing things because I’ve done them before or because that is how it has been for whatever amount of time. I’m conscious of how I spend my time and the things and people in my life. I want my life to meaningful and purposeful to me. I don’t want to arrive at my death having not done the things or lived the life I wanted.
So that is what I try to pursue. I continue to grow, change, and explore what makes me happy or what I believe will lead to more happiness. In the past little while that has meant taking a course in the evenings, figuring out and planning investments, practising acro yoga, continuing to travel and be outdoors and active when I can, spending time with family (including Tango), and continuing to grow my relationship with David. Those are the things right now that challenge me to grow, think, and be happy.
That being said, as I’ve been reflecting lately, I’ve been finding some things that no longer fit my life. It’s not easy to acknowledge and change because it’s things and people that I have valued, thought would be lifelong (or close to) and in the case of relationships, that I had assumed were reciprocal. Some connections/ relationships that I thought I was valued in, that maybe I actually pushed beyond their expiration. Some activities that no longer bring me as much joy as they once did. I think I resist the change at first because I go back to my old self where I thought I just had to “keep going” and I pushed my true feelings aside for the sake of comfort.
It can be hard for me to let go. But I think that by leaning into and embracing the change that there opens up a space for growth. Quite literally, by leaving behind one activity there becomes time for another. In the way of a relationship, by letting some people go you have space and time for new people. And my hope is that the new space is a space for things and people that are more intune to where I am now. Things and people that support my journey and growth. It’s an opportunity for me to become more me.
I have loved writing for Soaring Spirits. It has been a creative outlet for me and a place to express and feel validated in my grief. It has been a space to share my thoughts, life, and journey. In many ways, it has been a catalyst for my growth as it urged me to reflect and record it. It is through this growth and reflection that I’ve come to know that the time for me to keep moving forward beyond the Soaring Spirits blog has come. That I’d like to spend my time exploring and pursuing some other things that bring me joy. I will miss writing here but I think it is has served a wonderful purpose for me. It’s time for new opportunities.
It’s also an opportunity for a new writer to share their journey and for you to follow their growth. I’m hoping that the new Thursday writer, Bob Atwal, will gain as much insight from this experience as I did and that you will feel heard, represented and validated from his words. Bob lost his wife four years ago and is excited to share with you starting next week, on January 10th. As an unrelated side note, I’m also happy to say he’s in Canada, like me :)
Thank you for your support over the past year. Thank you for reading my posts. Thank you for the comments and connections.
The biggest thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything. I wish you all good things on your continued journey.